I want that shirt

You know those really witty T shirts that you see here and there?
I want one that says:

Jesus is my guru. 

Now wait!!  Stick with me here.  I'm serious about this.  I'm not making fun of new age-y yoga types.   I get a lot of 'you're wacky/nutty/slightly crazy' for my love of yoga,  but hang with me, at least for this post.

I've been studying the 'stuff' behind yoga, to learn more and how it meshes with my personal religious beliefs.  What I've found has been both very encouraging and inspiring, and all that I have learned follows along the same lines as how the bible teaches us to behave.  It's very interesting.  Especially since yoga is very ancient wisdom, older than the bible.

One of the things in this book I'm reading started talking about "how to choose a guru".  Not in those words, but that was the idea.  Uh-oh, I thought.  Here's where it gets a little wonky and I'm going to have issues.  To me, "guru" is some wacky person followed blindly by another even wackier nut-ball.  But I kept reading, and this is what I found:

~A guru is a spiritual teacher...a teacher of truth.
~Guru has two parts- 'Gu' means 'stuff which hides our true light' and 'ru' which means 'the thing(person) that removes the stuff hiding our true light'.  
~A spiritual guru must live what he teaches, because power comes from that truth
~It is not always necessary for the guru/teacher to be physically present, or even in physical form to teach us.

Hmmm...something to think about.  A guru is a teacher who lives by example.  Who was the ultimate teacher?  Jesus.  Did he live by example?  To his very last breath, literally.  Can he remove our "stuff" (a.k.a. sin) and let our light shine?  Isn't that why he came? 

JESUS is my guru.

Jesus says: "I am the way and the truth and the life." ~ John 14:6

The bible says, "Make your light shine, so that others will see the good that you do and will praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16  I like the way the Message puts it even better: "Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept."   Isn't that a wonderful image?  'Bringing out the God-colors in the world.'  Love that.

Finally, Jesus said to the disciples: "I want you to open their eyes, so that they will turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God."   If that doesn't fit the definition of a guru, then I don't know what does.

Jesus was always telling people to think differently.  I don't know if making a witty t-shirt was what he had in mind, but he knows where my heart is.

Yin Yoga... Oh Yeah!

I tried a new yoga class at Divine this morning, Yin Yoga.   I had misread the schedule for the last two months and thought this was the same as the Yang-Yin class I had tried awhile back.  Oh, no!  This class was awesome.  All stretchy and relax-y and feel-good-y.  (Yeah, I know those aren't words, but work with me!)

We really need rain.  It's dry, and there is pollen everywhere that needs to be washed away.  So, the teacher said she had put together some music from different Native American nations praying for rain.  It was kind of cool to listen to the music, with the sounds of rain and thunder in the background, and stretch and relax.  Actually, it was perfect.  (Well, except for when I couldn't get rid of the thought that the rain sounded more like bacon sizzling in a pan...But that didn't last TOO long...) 


The yoga definitely helps my asthma.  It makes the aching go away, and hopefully, it will keep making it better.  I felt a lot better today than I have all week.  Day 8 (Tuesday) I did 30 minutes at home in between other stuff, and although I was feeling really bad, it totally helped me get through the day.  Day 9 I skipped, again.  Can't really say why, other than laziness and feeling bad, which aren't real reasons.  I just didn't try enough to get it done.   Today was day 10 of the 40 days, and I'm so glad I spent that hour at the yoga studio this morning!

Ooops...gotta go... my boys just ripped the soap dish off the tile bathtub wall.....Gotta go balance that!  ;)

Promises

Just checking in with a quick update for my 40 days of yoga.  I have some other, better posts to write, but today my asthma is winning and I'm feeling terrible, so they'll have to wait.

As for the 40 days of yoga, I have a confession to make.  Day 4 and Day 5 I didn't do any yoga.  I planned to.  But it didn't happen.  Day 6, yesterday, I wasn't feeling great either, and I worked on some music playlists so that I have something to do yoga to at home, without having to watch a video.  Kind of a stretch, but better than nothing.

Tonight, Day 7, I am exhausted.  My chest hurts.  My lungs ache.  A lot.  I've been waiting all day for the chance to crawl into bed.  But I promised myself I was going to do these 40 days.  Yes, I've already missed a couple.  But I'm not going to give up.  I'm going to keep going and keep my promise to myself.  So, I put my boys to bed, then pulled out my mat.

Day 7 is done.  I feel better.  Better for keeping my promise.  Better from the yoga itself.

Now, off to bed.  Finally! ;)

3 down, 37 to go...

40 days of yoga.  Three days down.  37 left to go.

Last night, I went to Hot Yoga at the studio.  It kicked my butt.  I don't know if it was the heat, or the asthma, or not eating dinner first, but it was hard.  I thought I was going to throw up.  I thought I was going to literally pass out (at which point I skipped a balancing posture sequence in favor of child's pose).  It was hard, but I kept going.   I kept the mean voice at bay.  I finished the class and felt fantastic when it was over.

Right now, I'm measuring my progress with two different things.  The first, is a simple forward fold.  You know, bending over and touching your toes?  Well, when I first started, I really couldn't even touch my toes.  Now,  I can pretty easily fold over and place my hands flat on the floor next to my feet.  If I'm really warmed up, I can even slide my hands, palms up, under my toes and completely under my feet.  Hooray for progress.    Seated forward fold is less flexible, but at least I can more than touch my toes there now too.  I think my hands were only able to go about 1/2 way down my shins before.

The second way I'm measuring my progress is with crow pose. This is a pose that I saw at the beginning and completely wrote off.  I will NEVER be able to do that one.  Go see what it looks like here.  Okay, so now you see what crow looks like.  In crow, you are completely balancing ALL of your body weight on your wrists.  Did I mention that I broke my wrist and have a titanium plate and four screws in there?  My wrist just doesn't bend all the way anymore.  So, this crow pose?  Not gonna happen.  No matter how hard I work. Or so I thought.

Last week, I was brave enough to ask my friendly yoga instructor if she had any ideas on how to make things easier on my wrist.  Sometimes we hold poses on it that are just really uncomfortable.  Or that I have to quit early.  So I asked if she had any advice.  She told me to buy a wedge to use for support and try that.  So I did. 

Before the wedge, when it was time for crow, I'd balance on my wrists, with my knees up on my elbows, but with both feet completely on the floor.  More weight on my feet than my arms.  Not even close.  Then I'd watch everyone else and be really impressed.   Tuesday, I got up on the wedge with my wrists, high enough on my toes, that I could take a tiny, nano-second, hop up onto my wrists before falling back onto my feet.  Just a fraction of a second, but MY FEET WERE OFF THE FLOOR!!!  The next night, last night, I managed to get up into it again.  I was all the way up with just the very tippiest part of my toes just barely touching the floor.  SO close.  I  could hold it there for several breaths.  I CAN DO THIS!  I can do CROW!  Not yet, but I will.   And when I do, I'll be posting a picture of it here for all to see. 

How do you measure progress? Is there something that seems almost impossible that you are working on, too?  I'd love to hear about it.

Set your target and keep trying until you reach it.

Napoleon Hill (1883-1970) American speaker and motivational writer.

Kicking That Mean Girl's...You-know-what

So, 40 days of yoga.  I'm looking at that now with only 1 day down, and 39 to go, and it sounds daunting.  What was I thinking?  I am so already sore from just last night's kick butt Hatha Fusion practice.  It was great.  It was HARD.  It was exactly what I needed.  But that mean girl in my head keeps saying "You can't do this.  What a stupid idea.  You'll never follow through with it... Who do you think you are, anyway???"

Which brings me to the point of this post.  Excuse my language, but I am going to kick that mean girl's ass.  Seriously.  40 days of yoga.  40 days of telling that mean girl to shut-the-hell-up and step to the curb.  Get out of my life!  GO AWAY!

Why?  Because I realized something during a yoga class last week.  I was struggling, and miserable, and all this anger was coming out.  (It sounds weird, but sometimes in the middle of class, emotions/stuff just come out, and this time I just suddenly got SO MAD!)  So there I was, holding some pose or other, and just fuming mad.  Don't know why.  Then the mean girl started talking to me.  "This is stupid.  Why are you here? You don't belong here.  You're way too fat and out of shape.  You don't belong here.  You shouldn't be here, fat girl."  And I held the pose, and listened to her.  I even repeated it to myself "I don't belong here."  And then I realized something kind of earth-shattering for me.  That mean girl in my head isn't me. That mean girl in my head is the voice of... well, I'm almost afraid to say it because you'll think I'm crazy, but... the devil. 

Now, you may not believe in the devil.  Heck, you might not believe in God.  You might believe in part of it, or none of it.  I did.  I used to not believe in any of it.  Then I believed that there was something bigger, but it wasn't God.  Then I believed in God, but not about Jesus and the resurrection.  Then I believed in God & Jesus, but not the devil.  Until one day I heard something along the lines of "If you believe there is good and evil in the world, and you believe in God, and that God is good, then you kind of have to believe in the other side too, that the devil is there on the side of evil."  And so, at the risk of sounding like a looney-tunes religious nut, I believe in the devil too. 

My friends and I have had many conversations lately about our inner mean girls.  I've even said that we should talk to ourselves nicely, like the way someone who loves us, or God would talk to us.  Someone who loves us would be encouraging and supportive, not destructive and mean.  But it's so hard to shut up the mean girl!  I'm trying to be nice to myself, and do good things for me, but she won't shut up.  She keeps coming back, trying to tear me down.  And so, listening to her in the middle of my yoga practice, I suddenly had the thought... That's the devil talking.  That's not you...you're trying to make yourself a better, healthier person.  That's an evil voice trying to tear you down.   And just like that, the mean girl shut up and vanished, and the anger melted away.  Huh.  How about that.

Go out and kick some mean girl butt today!  ;)

40 Days

Remember how I wrote about giving up my messy house for Lent?  Well, it worked.  Not that there are no more messes here, because it was way worse than 40 days could cure, but it's a lot cleaner in here.  And I never felt overwhelmed or unbalanced, because I just cleaned a little something every day. 

At the beginning of Lent, I wrote: So, what am I giving up this year?  I'm giving up the clutter and chaos in my house.   It keeps me from being as good as I could be for my family, it frustrates me, and it takes up too much of my time that I could use for better things.  Gone!  To ashes!  I commit to turning at least one pile/drawer/cabinet full of clutter 'into ashes' each day during Lent.  Check back on Easter and I'll let you know how much of a difference it's made!

Easter came and went yesterday.  Alleluia!!  There is less clutter sitting around, and it's become a habit to clean things up a little at a time.  Five minutes?  Throw in some dishes.  Ten minutes?  Fold and put away the laundry and restart it...  Less chaos.  Less frustration.  Less mess.  More time for family and the things that matter.  I'm going to keep doing this, cleaning and uncluttering at least one thing a day, until I feel like things are under control.  Yes, I have a feeling that I may never actually get all-the-way there, but at least I can get closer than I am now!

Because the 40 days of Lent were so successful, I've decided to tackle another 40 days, now that Easter has passed.    40 days of yoga.   I am promising to do 40 days of yoga.  At least 30 minutes a day.  Restorative counts, as long as it's in class.  (No cheating by working on my breathing in bed when it's time to go to sleep.... :)   I had planned to do this, but hadn't told anyone yet, when my friend sent me this email:

According to yogic science, it takes :
40 days to change a bad habit into a positive one ;
90 days confirms the new habit in you ;
120 days allows the new habit to become who you are ;
1,000 days ensures you have mastered the habit

How's that for timing?  Pastor Mike is always saying something to the point of: "You go nowhere and do nothing by accident.  God always a purpose for your life."  I love it when God's timing shows up in visible ways.   My friend had no idea I was planning on doing something like this, but just thought I'd be interested.  And I was reinforced in my idea for 40 days of yoga by her email.  How wonderful!

Here's hoping that 40 days will create in me a positive yoga habit.  Is there a positive habit you'd like to develop over the next 40 days?  I'd love to hear about it and support you if you decide to join me.  Leave me a comment and let me know.

May you be blessed and inspired to try creating your own positive habit over the next 40 days. 

First Workshop

On Saturday, I went to my first yoga workshop.  Or specialty class.  Or whatever it's called.  It was on Yoga Nidra, which is yogic sleep, or conscious relaxation.   A very relaxing class, literally.  I got three big things from this class.

1.  Yoga is about calming the mind, and controlling your thoughts.  Even the physical practices of yoga are about focusing your thoughts, and quieting that voice in your head that won't.shut.up.  I kind of knew this, but needed the reminder.  I call it the Be Still, and know that I am God process.  I need a lot of practice on this one.

2.  Each of us has an energy, and depending on how we live our lives, that energy is different.  If we drink, and smoke, steal and do drugs, our energy will be very different than if we live our life practicing faith, reading scriptures, and doing good works.  That's what the teacher said!  I loved hearing that in a yoga class.   Before going to the class, I was a little worried that there would be some weirdness or other that I would have to ignore, and instead I heard "read scripture and do good works".  Take that people who think yoga is devil worship!  ;)

3.  It's very annoying and irritating when people fall asleep three minutes into the hour long practice and start snoring!  Okay, seriously, it was.  And they did.  Several of them.  But I'm being thankful this week, not resentful, so I'm going to focus on being thankful for learning the process of this practice. I am not going to be frustrated that I couldn't concentrate because of the snoring, and lawn mowers, and traffic, and thingy banging on the roof in the wind.  Maybe it was all a test of my ability to focus and clear my mind.  Clearly I failed, since I found myself annoyed and thinking of possible facebook status updates regarding the snorers!  Oh well.  Practice makes progress!  ;)

It's important to take time to truly relax and let the body rest.  I've gone to other restorative yoga classes (without the snoring) and come out feeling more refreshed than if I'd taken a nap.  

May you be blessed with some true relaxation today.

Yoga as Worship

I started this blog to have a way to see my progress, both with looking for balance, and yoga.  Mostly for yoga though.  I wanted to have a way to look back and see how far I'd come, and how it had helped.  I know it will help, simply because of how wonderful and refreshed I feel after a class.  Not so much during class, because it kicks my out-of-shape butt, but at the end, and after.... I feel A-maz-ing.  Just incredible.  The feeling usually lasts all day.

Now, notice I say I started out with those intentions.  But, clearly, this has become equally, if not more, about my search for balance and my relationship with God.  Because here, I can write the things I'm too afraid to say out loud to people, as wrong as that may be.  And I'm realizing how much I need this outlet for that side of me!

However, I don't actually see the two things, God and yoga, as separate, or opposing, or whatever the rest of the world may think.  I have always been a person who doesn't feel very connected to God in church.  I know, I know.  How can I say that?  Well, hang on and let me explain before you decide to stone me.  Church is okay.  I learn from it.  I'm uplifted by it.  But it's not where I feel closest to God.  I have always felt closest to God when I am out in nature.  Out in His Creation, I see the miracles of all He created, all around me.  I see his touch in the leaves on the trees, hear it in the wind, smell it in the flowers, admire it in the sunset.  That is where I feel connected to Him.

When my oldest was around two, we were out in LA with my parents, visiting my brother.  Mom and Dad went out to dinner with some friends, and I decided to hang back at the condo with my little one.  We ended up walking down to sit on the beach and watch the sunset.  It was a wonderful evening.  Quiet and peaceful. As we walked down to the beach, I remember thinking how I wished that there were shells to collect on the beaches, like there are in Galveston.  It's one of my favorite things to do...look for pretty shells on the beach.  But there just aren't any on the California beaches usually.

At this time in my life, I was just starting to come back to my faith after a long, long, LONG period of doubt.  I mean, a really long time.  As my little one and I found our way onto the beach, we saw that it was just covered with dozens and dozens of shiny, smooth, black stones.  I'd never seen anything like them on any beach.   They were beautiful.  So we sat together on the sand, and watched the waves and the sunset, and collected these really cool rocks.  And as I watched my son dig in the sand with the sun setting behind him, I felt so connected to God.  So in tune with Him.  So believing in Him!  It was a somewhat surprising but oh-so-joyful feeling.   And I was so grateful for every moment.  It's one of those times that I can recall with such clarity, that the joy comes right back along with the memory.  We took home a small pocketful of those rocks to remember the evening.

The next day, we went back down to the beach again, hoping to walk and collect a few more rocks.  There was not a single one on the beach, anywhere.  They were completely gone.  If I hadn't saved a few the night before, I might have thought I'd imagined them.  And I can't help but feel that God put those rocks there just for me.  Call me crazy if you want, but He totally used that evening to get through to me again.  And I finally listened!

So this is why I say I don't feel closest to him in church.  Church is good.  But nature is better.  His creation is better.  And now, I've realized that yoga is another way for me to feel closer to Him, and thankful, and aware.  There is no one else in between us. No pastor. ( I love Pastor Mike!)  No choir ( I love our choir!) No having to greet and say hello to dozens of people (who are all very nice, but did I mention I'm an introvert, and I mean INTRO-vert, and that really just drains me?).    In nature, and during yoga, it's just me and God.   Period.  Me being thankful to Him.  Him filling me with peace, love, strength, hope, or whatever I need most that day.

When I started to write this post, I thought it would be about how yoga doesn't have to be new age, or Hindu, doesn't have to be anti-christian.  And I did a little research on the web, and yikes!   There are some preachy and judgemental people out there!  Wow!  You "christians" are the ones who drove me into that long, long, long period of doubt.  Because it was a long time before I learned that God and religion are NOT the same thing.  Religion is what man brings to it, however he might choose to twist it to fit his own....whatever.  I'm not going there.  I hate religion.  I love God.  And if it comes down to a choice, I'm going to ask myself everytime what would God & Jesus say or do over what do humans and religions say to do.

Jesus was always freaking people out.  Doing things that "weren't allowed".   Hanging out with tax collectors and prostitutes.  Maybe in 2010 he'd be hanging out at the yoga studio, who knows?  I do know that he wouldn't be worried about what people were saying he should or shouldn't do.   He'd be worried about what was in my heart.   He wouldn't see yoga as me in worship of myself (because trust me, when I see myself in the mirror I'm not going to worship that image!)  but instead he would see in my heart that I am in awe and worship and awareness of Him.  He would know that I am acknowledging that I can't do it all on my own, and I need Him.  He would know that I am thankful for every cell of my body that is able to practice these crazy poses, thankful for getting a tiny bit better each time, thankful for the good health I have, thankful for the chance to be still. 

"Be still, and know that I am God."  

Psalm 46:10.  

That has got to be my favorite verse in the bible.  So powerful.  So difficult to do.

Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart

1 Samuel 16:7

So, yes, for me, yoga IS worship. And I know He knows what's in my heart, so I'm okay with saying that. It is my chance to spend 90 minutes taking care of the body God has blessed me with, and also being still and loving Him.    

In the words of Jesus:

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. 

Matthew 5:8

Do you know what? There are a few times, when I've had a really, really good practice, really focused the whole time on being still, and being aware of Him, when at the end, I felt as connected to him as I did that night on the beach.   I can feel His peace and love.  It's incredible. It's joyful.  It's priceless.

Joyful Thanksgiving.   Is there any other workout that can leave you filled with that feeling?  That's a workout I can keep doing.  That I actually look forward to doing.

May you be blessed by the stillness and quiet, 
so that you might have a chance to practice 'knowing God'.

It's not all about me

I wrote before about how we were going to Great Wolf Lodge to celebrate my oldest's upcoming birthday.   Not my personal idea of fun, but lots of fun for a mom to watch her boys have such a great time.  And I even learned a few things while we were there.

My youngest fell in love with these wave runners that were glued to the floor on the little kids area of the waterpark.  He pretty much just wanted to sit on them and shoot water at people the whole time if he wasn't floating in the lazy river.  He told me they weren't shooting water out of their squirters, but that they were squirting out cheese.  Both days he told me this.  I envisioned him riding a giant can of spray cheese, but it quickly got boring to just stand there and watch him squirt water cheese for an hour.   So I did a little yoga.  I kid you not.  In one of my classes last week, the teacher had us squatting on our toes.  It's supposed to be good for the soles of your feet.  And she said that if it's really torture for your feet to do this (like it is for mine), that you should try to do it a least once or twice a day for a couple of breaths.  So I toe-squatted next to the cheese rider.  And I tried to just be in the moment and appreciate how much fun he was having, instead of thinking about how bored I was.  He was so happy to be there doing that while the older ones rode the bigger rides, and all I had to do was just stand squat and watch. 

Later, we made a second trip to the arcade.  Nana generously gave each of the boys money for more tokens, so they all headed off to find their favorites from the first visit.  Nick's was one of those claw machines that picks up candy, and if you miss, you get to try again.  Perfect for a three year old.  Success on every try.  He was in heaven.   I, however, was bored again.  And I was worrying about him running out of tokens.  And not getting any tickets. And not getting to play any of the other games.   Until I remembered how happy the wave cheese rider had made him, and realized this was exactly the same.  They were his tokens, so if this made him happy, so be it.  Again, I let go of what I wanted, handed him token after token, held out the bag for him to put his candy into, and just enjoyed watching him have fun.  In his eyes, it was absolutely perfect, and he wouldn't have changed a thing.  All my worrying was for nothing (as it usually is...).


Finally, once we had made it back home and were doing the bedtime thing, I was once again ready to be done and move on.  I laid in their room with the boys, waiting for them to go to sleep, silently wishing they would hurry up.  Then I thought of just trying to be present in the moment again.  I thought how blessed I am to have two healthy little boys to love.  And then I thought of three mothers I know,  who would have given anything to be in that same situation I was wishing to hurry along.   A good friend whose son is very sick and in the hospital again for surgery.  A mom who is planning a pancake fundraiser to honor the little girl she lost to cancer, instead of snuggling with her in bed.  A mom who lost a son to cancer, and would give anything just to kiss him goodnight and tell him she loves him, even if he were asleep. They wouldn't be wishing to hurry the moment along.  They would be wishing for it to never end.

And it hit me.  Or God whispered.  Or whatever....  It's not all about me!  Duh.  I really don't think I'm that self-centered, but I definitely needed the reminder that it's not all about ME.  It's all about showing love, spreading joy, to those we love.  Even showing love, God's love, to people we don't know.

Imagine that.  It's not all about me.

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, 

I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

 "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least 

of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

 Matthew 25:35-40 (New International Version)

 May you be blessed by showing love and 

spreading joy to someone else.

To Glow in the Darkness

The last couple of years, I attended the Ash Wednesday service at my church.  It was a service that I had never gone to before, and really didn't understand, but I'm in the handbell choir, and we were playing during the service, so there I was.  It ended up being one of the most powerful services I've ever attended.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  

First, what on earth is Ash Wednesday anyway?  That was the question I was thinking in my head, but too embarrassed to ask.  I'd heard of 'giving up for Lent' but never really understood it, or the reasons behind it.  I had absolutely no idea of how Ash Wednesday related to any of that either.

Ash Wednesday is the beginning of the 40 days leading up to Easter.  This is called Lent.
According to Wiki,    People may decide to observe Lent by giving up a favorite food or drink (e.g. chocolate, alcohol) or activity (e.g., going to the movies, playing video games, etc.) for Lent, or they may instead take on a Lenten discipline such as devotions, volunteering for charity work, and so on.  Today, some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations.

I still didn't get it.  What does giving up my morning coffee have to do with getting closer to God?  This seemed like one of those odd, it's-just-the-way-we-do-it, rituals to me, until I attended that first Ash Wednesday service.  Then it all clicked.  During the service, we were all asked to write down a few things that we would like to change about ourselves.  Things that were standing in our way to becoming the person God intends for us to be.   I think wrote down something like 'not worrying so much' and 'being a better, less frustrated mom'.  (It was the beginning of my search for balance even back then before I had a name for it in my head.)

Then, we came up to the front one by one with our little scraps of paper.  And we each took our paper to the candle flame, set it afire, and dropped it in a plate to turn to ash.  Physically, visually, giving up those things we had written.  Bringing ourselves closer to God.
The service continued, and included us once again coming up to the front, to recieve the ashes on our foreheads. Again, I didn't get it.  And I wish I could remember what the pastor said as he used the ashes to draw a cross on my forehead.  It was so, so powerful.  The most powerful moment I've ever had in church.   I can clearly picture his face, and remember exactly how I felt, how I felt almost as if God himself was reaching out through the pastor to me, marking me as a child of God, but can't for the life of me recall the words.   But the message was this:  Lent is about giving up something that separates us from God.  Not your morning coffee, or an afternoon piece of chocolate.  Something bigger and more important than that.  And Ash Wednesday is the reminder when you give that up, when you turn it to ash, you rise up from those ashes, and get just a little closer to God.   At least, for me, that is what Ash Wednesday and Lent are all about.

So, what am I giving up this year?  I'm giving up the clutter and chaos in my house.   It keeps me from being as good as I could be for my family, it frustrates me, and it takes up too much of my time that I could use for better things.  Gone!  To ashes!  I commit to turning at least one pile/drawer/cabinet full of clutter 'into ashes' each day during Lent.  Check back on Easter and I'll let you know how much of a difference it's made!

But, wait!   There's more!!  Again, I'm thankful for this blog, because in writing it I stumbled across this site, spirithome.com which says:  Lent is not all about giving things up. It's also about adding good things to our lives or to others' lives -- the kind of good things that follow on what Jesus asks of us.  Click on that link for ways to add things for Lent.

I'm going to use a couple of those ideas myself.  I will:

Do acts of kindness for people daily, just because the opportunity's there

give them little tastes of God's love.

Spend time daily appreciating the beauty of nature that makes me feel close to God

(Pictures to come, stay tuned!)
Use yoga and prayer as a way to worship daily

(More about how I see yoga as worship coming soon!)

Isaiah 58:6-12 (The Message)
 6-9"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
   to break the chains of injustice,
   get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
   free the oppressed,
   cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
   sharing your food with the hungry,
   inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
   putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
   being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
   and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
   The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
   You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'

A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places

 9-12"If you get rid of unfair practices,
   quit blaming victims,
   quit gossiping about other people's sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
   and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
   your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
   I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
   firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
   a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
   rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
   restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
   make the community livable again.

What will you give up or add for Lent?

May you be blessed today, during this season of Lent,  

and every day.

Math Night...It was a good lesson!

Today was a great day, and I spent a lot of it looking forward to getting to yoga class tonight.  I've had more than two weeks of classes now, and I love them.   All of them, doesn't matter which class or instructor.   I hate having to miss several days in a row though.  This has happened when I can't get there on Fridays, sleep in and miss Saturday mornings, and then also miss Sunday because of the Super Bowl and Valentines Day.  I can really feel it.  I am tight and sore.  I want to go to yoga!!  I managed 40 minutes at home last night, but without the heated room, it's just not the same.  Today, however, there is a class late enough that I can make it after the hubby is home from work.  Hooray!  Yoga tonight!


I picked the boys up from school, looking forward to yoga tonight, and headed to McD's playland.  We've got a now standing date with some good friends to play and socialize after school.  It's great for the boys, it's great for us as moms too.  Everyone is happy, and we're out of the house not making a mess.  It's a win-win blessing all around.


We stayed at the playland until the dinner chaos started, then headed home.  Yea!  Yoga tonight!  I can't wait!  We headed in the house for a few minutes to clean out lunch boxes, empty papers out of folders, and put away backpacks.  Then we headed out the door to the school's Family Math & Science Night from 6 to 7.   Last thing to do before yoga!  Yea! 


We got to the school right at 6, because I need to leave for yoga at 7!,  and headed down to the hall where my oldest's grade level had set up four rooms of math and science activities.   We started out building and measuring a paper snowman, and by 6:10, I was already thinking, Hurry up! We're never going to get through all this so I can go to yoga.  I found myself telling that voice to relax,  it will all work out.  This is making my boys happy, that's what matters.  A minute or two later.... Arrgghh!!  How many buttons do  you need to color on that snowman!  Come on!!  Let's move on!  I want to go to yoga tonight!!!  I found myself secretly hoping for the huge crowd and crazy chaos that we faced at last year's Math Night.  Maybe we'll get to leave early because it will just be too crowded and hard to do anything....so I can go to yoga!

Then, I overheard the mom next to me telling her daughter how to measure her snowman correctly.  No, not like that, like this... to the quarter inch!  No, the quarter inch... 1 and 1/4.  One quarter.  One and one quarter.  Yes, but don't make the one so big.  Do it like this....   And I thought to myself, wow, this is supposed to be fun.  They're only supposed to measure to the nearest inch, why all the extra pressure?  No grades here, does it really matter if her 1/4 is a little lopsided? Does she even need to write 1/4 for that matter?  Just let her have fun with it.  And then it hit me.  In my head, I'm just as bad as that.  I'm the fun-hater.  Hurry up and color those buttons, because I want to go to yoga!  I wasn't being in the moment and accepting the glory of it as it is RIGHT NOW.  Right now, I'm being a mom to two great little boys.  We're supposed to be having fun together, and instead of being present, I'm worrying about yoga later.   


So I let go of yoga, and decided if it happens, great, and if not, then that's great too.  I'm going to be present now, have fun, and enjoy my boys.  And to quote my oldest,  "It...was.....Awe----SOME!!"

Mentally adding 9+8+12+4+5....

and he got it right! 

 We measured, we added, we glued, and then there was this awesome goopy stuff with cornstarch at the end.   And not once did I again think hurry up, or let's go, or but I want to go to yoga!

 

My boys mixing up the goop

That was FUN!  This cornstarch goopy stuff?  Way-cool.  It's part liquid, part solid.  You roll it into a ball in your hand, and then when you let go it turns back to liquid and oozes through your fingers.  My boys wouldn't touch it.  "Eeeww..... gross... I'm not touching that stuff!"    They were fascinated watching me play with it, and let me just say, they missed out on the fun!  I could have played with that stuff for quite awhile.  Very fun.  Actually quite stress-relieving too.   And it was such a blessing to gross them out! 


I'm so glad that I let go of the yoga and just had fun with my boys.   They couldn't stop saying how awesome it was on the way home.  "It was Awe---SOME!!  (I wish I could type that sing song voice....) Today was the best day ever!"  They felt love and joy because I let go of what I wanted and focused on enjoying and loving them instead.  I was not giving up and self-sacrificing and then resenting, but changing my priority, and then enjoying it.   And I am so thankful for that lesson!

A true blessing and all because I didn't get my way!

 

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.  Ephesians 5:1-2 (The Message)

May you love and be loved as God loves us, and may you be blessed by not getting your way!

True Beauty

Awe

 This is north Texas.  We have a very mild winter, usually.  A rare snow usually lasts about an hour, and starts to melt before you can even get out in it to go play.  This year, we've had four.  Including an absolutely incredible White Christmas.  And this last one, is even more awe inspiring than the White Christmas.  It started sometime before dawn on Thursday, and by sunrise we had over two inches outside.  It kept snowing all day, until well after midnight.  

Friday morning, there is over a foot of pure beauty outside.

 

Silence

Outside, it is so peaceful.  There is only silence, and a few birds twittering around, 

flying about looking for berries.  

Just silence. 

Perfection

  

Only the sound of snow falling in mini-avalanches from the tree branches above.  I can't think of anything so perfect or magical.

 

And just a touch of whimsy...

 

Our Mr. Snowman (at 5'6" tall) from yesterday is taking in all the beauty with a little yoga.  A deep backbend, or maybe a little side angle pose?  I'm not sure which.... (but I love it!)

I'd love to join him out there for a little savasana, 

but somehow I don't think it would be as relaxing as it looks.  

And who wants a face full of snow from above while they try to relax anyway, right?

The beginning

February 2010 - - The start of my yoga journey.  Well, I officially started at the very end of January, but life is about the big picture, and not the tiny details, right?  So, February 2010.  I took the $10 for 10 days trial period, and of course my boys start throwing up the next morning.  So I missed about 1/2 of my 10 days, but the last half was beyond awesome.  After only a couple of practices I can already see a difference in my ability, and I am feeling so much energy.  So much positive energy, and no more afternoon slump everyday.  It is such a blessing.   Yea, me! 

I feel so good going to class.  I feel GREAT after class.  I sometimes still wonder 'why am I doing this to myself?' in the middle of a class, but it's fleeting, and then the feeling of purpose and power returns.  Last night during practice the teacher commented about returning your focus to your intention if you are wondering what you are doing here.  I laughed out loud, because that was exactly what was going through my mind.  And then I focused back on my intention for that practice:  HOPE.  There is so much hope and positive energy out there if I can just choose to focus on that instead of all the things that try to overwhelm and bring me down.

So, roughly two weeks in, and I still love it, can't wait to go again.  I've tried a lot of the different class options.  Vinyasa, Hot Yoga, Hatha Fusion, Yin-Yang, and Restorative.  Each is a blessing in it's own wonderful way.

Thank you, LORD, for all my many blessings.  They are so many for just one person.  I can't thank You enough.