40 Days

Remember how I wrote about giving up my messy house for Lent?  Well, it worked.  Not that there are no more messes here, because it was way worse than 40 days could cure, but it's a lot cleaner in here.  And I never felt overwhelmed or unbalanced, because I just cleaned a little something every day. 

At the beginning of Lent, I wrote: So, what am I giving up this year?  I'm giving up the clutter and chaos in my house.   It keeps me from being as good as I could be for my family, it frustrates me, and it takes up too much of my time that I could use for better things.  Gone!  To ashes!  I commit to turning at least one pile/drawer/cabinet full of clutter 'into ashes' each day during Lent.  Check back on Easter and I'll let you know how much of a difference it's made!

Easter came and went yesterday.  Alleluia!!  There is less clutter sitting around, and it's become a habit to clean things up a little at a time.  Five minutes?  Throw in some dishes.  Ten minutes?  Fold and put away the laundry and restart it...  Less chaos.  Less frustration.  Less mess.  More time for family and the things that matter.  I'm going to keep doing this, cleaning and uncluttering at least one thing a day, until I feel like things are under control.  Yes, I have a feeling that I may never actually get all-the-way there, but at least I can get closer than I am now!

Because the 40 days of Lent were so successful, I've decided to tackle another 40 days, now that Easter has passed.    40 days of yoga.   I am promising to do 40 days of yoga.  At least 30 minutes a day.  Restorative counts, as long as it's in class.  (No cheating by working on my breathing in bed when it's time to go to sleep.... :)   I had planned to do this, but hadn't told anyone yet, when my friend sent me this email:

According to yogic science, it takes :
40 days to change a bad habit into a positive one ;
90 days confirms the new habit in you ;
120 days allows the new habit to become who you are ;
1,000 days ensures you have mastered the habit

How's that for timing?  Pastor Mike is always saying something to the point of: "You go nowhere and do nothing by accident.  God always a purpose for your life."  I love it when God's timing shows up in visible ways.   My friend had no idea I was planning on doing something like this, but just thought I'd be interested.  And I was reinforced in my idea for 40 days of yoga by her email.  How wonderful!

Here's hoping that 40 days will create in me a positive yoga habit.  Is there a positive habit you'd like to develop over the next 40 days?  I'd love to hear about it and support you if you decide to join me.  Leave me a comment and let me know.

May you be blessed and inspired to try creating your own positive habit over the next 40 days. 

Reflections

On this day of your life, God wants you to know ... that to love is to be vulnerable.
   
Love is the opening of the heart, the welcoming of your beloved. Loving is not secure, authentic loving is risky. Security lies behind the walls of a closed heart. You either invite the union by opening in love, or you secure the isolation by closing down.

I read that this morning, kind of shrugged, and thought, Well, that doesn't really apply.   I love and am loved by my boys, my husband, my family, my friends.  I'm already open and taking that risk.  Then God poked me in the back, tapped me on the shoulder, whispered in my ear...  (Wait,  I am not a crazy person.  I don't mean He actually poked me or any of that.  I didn't actually hear a voice.  But it was the same as if I had...)
So, I'm sitting there, almost smirking to myself about how I've already got this one handled, and then... Bam!  Gibbs Slap to the head.... (Come on, you watch NCIS don't you?  Mark Harmon rocks!)  Anyway, I get this mental slap-to-the-back-of-the-head and the not exactly whispered.... "What about Me?" 

As usual, He's right, and I'm wrong. 
Do I love God?  Yes!
Do I go to worship? Yes! 
Do I pray regularly? Yes!
Do I try to go about my daily life as I think He might want me to? Yes.
Do I participate in handbells and other groups at church?  Yes.
Do I read and study and reflect?  Yes. 
Is my heart completely open and fully taking the risk of loving and being loved by Him?  No.


That's a little shocking isn't it?  It's my secret (not-so-secret now...) confession.  I am still afraid.  I am still worried about offending people who might not agree with me.  I am still worried that people will think I'm 'one of those religious nuts'.  I am not comfortable talking to people about God, or telling them that I will pray for them.   I am worried about being judged.  I still isolate myself from God, even though I know that He is always with me, always supporting me, always loving me.  Sad, right?

I had a friend ask me the other day if I had given up anything for Lent, or if that was just something Catholics do.  And I couldn't say it.  I wrote out this beautiful post about it, obviously have it well thought out and am doing it everyday, but I couldn't say it.  I was afraid.  And then I was ashamed at not taking the awesome opportunity to share with her.   So I tried to start telling her, but it just came out a jumbled mess that didn't make much sense.  I wasn't comfortable talking about how I look at it as giving up something that separates us from God. That was just too risky.  And because I haven't let my heart truly, fully open, I lost a perfect opportunity to share God's love.  Shame on me.

God, make a fresh start in me,
      shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
   Don't throw me out with the trash,
      or fail to breathe holiness in me.
   Bring me back from gray exile,
      put a fresh wind in my sails!
   Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
      so the lost can find their way home.
   Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
      and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
   Unbutton my lips, dear God;
      I'll let loose with your praise. 

Psalm 51:10-13 (The Message)

 

Something I need to, and will be,  working on, to be sure.  It's just not something you ignore when you're head slapped and told 'snap out of it' by the real 'boss'.  So this is me, saying, "Yes, Boss!" May God help me to unbutton my lips and my heart, so I can sing His praises and share His love.

May you be blessed with a fully open heart, 

and filled to overflowing with His love.

The Big Test

So, I feel like I've just started this journey, and today is my first BIG TEST.  There are what feels like 900 things to do, and I'm already running out of time.  I'm feeling very UN-balanced.  We're taking my oldest to Great Wolf Lodge tonight  celebrate his upcoming 8th birthday.  Last year we surprised him with Great Wolf, because I refused to have another chaotic crazy birthday party.  The kindergarten one was just too much for me, so I told him we'd have a really cool birthday surprise instead of a party.  This year, he had the choice of a small party or another family fun trip, and he wanted to do Great Wolf again, so we're headed there right after school. 

This is where my test begins.  I'm really struggling today to stay calm, stay focused, and choose what matters most.  So, I stopped to write here and take a minute to think about it.  First priority...work. I got all my paperwork done (the current stuff at least), and I have my desk cleared out to just the next pile of catch-up, must-do paperwork.  That can wait until Monday morning.  That's my uncluttering for Lent for the day too. 

Next up?  Well, I still need to finish packing for the night, clean up the house (my act of kindness for my hubby), pick up my new glasses, get gas for the car, check the P.O. box, get a huge pile of stuff ready for JBF, fix lunch, go by swim diapers, do a few minutes of yoga, read my devotional for the today/tomorrow.... The list is pretty much endless in my head.

So, what's most important?  I'm going to put the devotional reading/yoga at the top, because it won't make the cut if I don't.  Second, my act of kindness for my husband.  Cleaning the house before we leave so it's clean when we come home.  Third, I definitely need to finish packing up pjs, etc.  That shouldn't take long.    The glasses will just have to wait until Monday.  Although I really, really want to go pick them up and get to show off their cute new style, it's not the most important thing I need to do.  JBF will definitely have to wait, and if I can't get it done for the Ft. Worth sale, that will still be "good enough", since there is always Grapevine a few weeks later.    Lunch will have to fit in there somehwere along the way, too. 

Want to share the devotion with me?  My church sent this out, although I tweaked which version of the bible the verses came from.  Some are just easier for me to understand than others.  You can find any of them online, at biblegateway.com/passage/ and pick and choose.  It's awesome.

Friday, February 19    

What makes you a child of God?
 Grace-God’s free gift of love that I do not deserve and cannot earn. 

Yet you are the holy God,
   ruling from your throne
   and praised by Israel.
    Our ancestors trusted you,
   and you rescued them.
    When they cried out for help,
   you saved them,
   and you did not let them down
   when they depended on you.

Psalm 22:3-5 (Contemporary English Version)

Saturday, February 20  

Don’t you have to be good for God to love you?  

No. God loves me in spite of all I do wrong.

A Prayer for Protection
I come to you, LORD,
   for protection.
   Don't let me be ashamed.
   Do as you have promised
   and rescue me.
    Listen to my prayer
   and hurry to save me.
   Be my mighty rock and the fortress
   where I am safe.
    You, LORD God,
   are my mighty rock
   and my fortress.
   Lead me and guide me,
   so that your name
   will be honored.
    Protect me from hidden traps
   and keep me safe.
    You are faithful,
   and I trust you
   because you rescued me.

Psalm 31:1-5 (Contemporary English Version)

Okay, see?  I chose wisely.  I put this at the top of my to-do list and I already feel better. I can't earn God's love, no matter what I do.  What a relief to not have to try! (Not that I won't try, but at least I can take it a little easier on myself when I fail to live up to my own standards!)   And then reassurance that he will love me no matter what I do wrong.  He will protect me, and he will lead me and guide me, if I just let Him.  Amen!

May you be blessed by knowing that you don't have to be 

"good enough"

for God to love you.  He just does!

To Glow in the Darkness

The last couple of years, I attended the Ash Wednesday service at my church.  It was a service that I had never gone to before, and really didn't understand, but I'm in the handbell choir, and we were playing during the service, so there I was.  It ended up being one of the most powerful services I've ever attended.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  

First, what on earth is Ash Wednesday anyway?  That was the question I was thinking in my head, but too embarrassed to ask.  I'd heard of 'giving up for Lent' but never really understood it, or the reasons behind it.  I had absolutely no idea of how Ash Wednesday related to any of that either.

Ash Wednesday is the beginning of the 40 days leading up to Easter.  This is called Lent.
According to Wiki,    People may decide to observe Lent by giving up a favorite food or drink (e.g. chocolate, alcohol) or activity (e.g., going to the movies, playing video games, etc.) for Lent, or they may instead take on a Lenten discipline such as devotions, volunteering for charity work, and so on.  Today, some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations.

I still didn't get it.  What does giving up my morning coffee have to do with getting closer to God?  This seemed like one of those odd, it's-just-the-way-we-do-it, rituals to me, until I attended that first Ash Wednesday service.  Then it all clicked.  During the service, we were all asked to write down a few things that we would like to change about ourselves.  Things that were standing in our way to becoming the person God intends for us to be.   I think wrote down something like 'not worrying so much' and 'being a better, less frustrated mom'.  (It was the beginning of my search for balance even back then before I had a name for it in my head.)

Then, we came up to the front one by one with our little scraps of paper.  And we each took our paper to the candle flame, set it afire, and dropped it in a plate to turn to ash.  Physically, visually, giving up those things we had written.  Bringing ourselves closer to God.
The service continued, and included us once again coming up to the front, to recieve the ashes on our foreheads. Again, I didn't get it.  And I wish I could remember what the pastor said as he used the ashes to draw a cross on my forehead.  It was so, so powerful.  The most powerful moment I've ever had in church.   I can clearly picture his face, and remember exactly how I felt, how I felt almost as if God himself was reaching out through the pastor to me, marking me as a child of God, but can't for the life of me recall the words.   But the message was this:  Lent is about giving up something that separates us from God.  Not your morning coffee, or an afternoon piece of chocolate.  Something bigger and more important than that.  And Ash Wednesday is the reminder when you give that up, when you turn it to ash, you rise up from those ashes, and get just a little closer to God.   At least, for me, that is what Ash Wednesday and Lent are all about.

So, what am I giving up this year?  I'm giving up the clutter and chaos in my house.   It keeps me from being as good as I could be for my family, it frustrates me, and it takes up too much of my time that I could use for better things.  Gone!  To ashes!  I commit to turning at least one pile/drawer/cabinet full of clutter 'into ashes' each day during Lent.  Check back on Easter and I'll let you know how much of a difference it's made!

But, wait!   There's more!!  Again, I'm thankful for this blog, because in writing it I stumbled across this site, spirithome.com which says:  Lent is not all about giving things up. It's also about adding good things to our lives or to others' lives -- the kind of good things that follow on what Jesus asks of us.  Click on that link for ways to add things for Lent.

I'm going to use a couple of those ideas myself.  I will:

Do acts of kindness for people daily, just because the opportunity's there

give them little tastes of God's love.

Spend time daily appreciating the beauty of nature that makes me feel close to God

(Pictures to come, stay tuned!)
Use yoga and prayer as a way to worship daily

(More about how I see yoga as worship coming soon!)

Isaiah 58:6-12 (The Message)
 6-9"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
   to break the chains of injustice,
   get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
   free the oppressed,
   cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
   sharing your food with the hungry,
   inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
   putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
   being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
   and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
   The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
   You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'

A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places

 9-12"If you get rid of unfair practices,
   quit blaming victims,
   quit gossiping about other people's sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
   and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
   your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
   I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
   firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
   a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
   rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
   restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
   make the community livable again.

What will you give up or add for Lent?

May you be blessed today, during this season of Lent,  

and every day.