How #Relevant10 Met #GoodbyeJunk & #HelloMornings Today...

So, I FINALLY got to talk to my sweet friend about her experiences at the Relevant Conference this morning.  We met for coffee and talked for hours, it was so wonderful.  She knew that I had wanted to attend with her, and was sweet enough to bring back her goodies and share them with me!  Isn't she the sweetest friend? 

Look at all the cute, fabulous stuff I got from Relevant, through her:

I promise, I left some for her too! :)

I am so glad that she is NOT a  reader.  A blogger who hates to read.  Funny, huh?  But, lucky for me!  I got some really cool books that are going to be perfect for HelloMornings.  Just a short, easy to read page a day.  I can't wait to start tomorrow.  AND, a version I can share with the boys....Even better!  I've been wanting to find something like that, but haven't gone looking, and here it just 'falls' in my lap.  I love how that works!  Plus, an e-book copy of Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts, which I've also been dying to read, and a cute little journal to write...something tiny in!

Plus, a super cute paperweight for my office (maybe it will encourage me to keep my desk neater).  That little cute 'PEACE' necklace has something on the back..... "BE STILL".  Now, tell me that wasn't meant for me?

So, I've mentioned how this all connects with the #HelloMornings group that I love, but how does bringing all this STUFF into my house fit with #GoodbyeJunk?  Well, for the first time, probably ever, I was INTENTIONAL about what I was choosing to bring into my home.  There were some other really cute things to choose from.  Things that I wanted, but I put them back, because I knew deep down that they were just future GoodbyeJunk.   I only chose things that I knew I had a purpose for, and would really, truly use.  Progress!

Oh, and FYI, more GoodbyeJunk stuff coming soon, so bear with me!  I'm working on a big, new announcement.... More good stuff to come!  Look for details closer to Thanksgiving. 

In the meantime, 

may you be blessed with friends as wonderful as mine, 

and may you remember that as fun as it is to receive, 

it is even better to GIVE.

What I learned from #Relevant10

I've made Family my priority lately (over online stuff...)

So, I didn't even get to attend the Relevant Conference last weekend, but that didn't stop me from learning from it!  There were so many great people there, all tweeting little pearls of wisdom.  It totally rocked my weekend.  It was such a wonderful, powerful, positive thing to keep reading their tweets all weekend.

So, what did I learn?  I learned that I'm doing alright.  Not that I can't improve, I'm still far from perfect (and I'm not seeking perfection anyway), but I'm on the right path.  There has been a twinge of guilt that I've not blogged once this month...For a long list of reasons, all of which lead back to the fact that I set FAMILY as a higher priority, and just had to let go of online stuff until things are less overwhelming again.  So, what did I read coming out of Relevant tweets this weekend?  Tweet after tweet after tweet reinforcing that my priorities were on the right track, for once.   I love it when God sends you those overwhelming messages sometimes!

From my IRL favorite blogger  SomeGirlsTweets:
~Make your home a place of peace. My life isn't about what people think I am, or what they think about me. #Relevant10

  

~We don't want to harm our real life relationships with our blogs. 

  

~Rest in the gift God has given you. #Relevant10 - Angie Smith 

  

~We are held accountable to God for how we treat our family. #Relevant10 (@WeareTHATfamily)  

  

~What times are special for your family? Make that time sacred and be offline. Your family is of high importance. #Relevant10

  

~"It's the living of life, not the writing of life that is going to change the world!" #Relevant10 - Sally Clarkson 

  

~Take a computer sabbatical regularly! #mediafreeSundays #Relevant10 

  

~"I'd much rather neglect my [online life] than neglect my husband and children." #Relevant10 

  

~"Blogging can be a powerful tool... But if blogging is taking you away from being a wife and a mother it's not worth it." #Relevant10 

And a favorite, that fits my life perfectly right now, by michellebygrace:

   

~If your blog conflicts with real life, choose real life. -Kimba (@KimbaASPTL) Relevant10       

 I can't wait until I DO have a little more time and can go in and read all the great posts coming from the lucky ladies who did get to attend Relevant.   I'm going to have great stuff to read for months to come!  What a blessing.  

There is a linkup on the official Relevant Conference site:  http://therelevantconference.com/ or Click here for one of the other linkups, or search the hashtag #Relevant10 on twitter for more.  

Truly Amazed

I'm sure you've heard, because it's all I'm talking about lately, that I'm leading a team for my local Relay for Life.  You can read more about it here, where I guest posted about it over at SomeGirl's place.  I felt very called to do this.  My heart was leading me to it.  But I never imagined that we could have possibly been so successful.  I know it's not me, it's that I listened to the whispers of God telling me I coud do this.  Really.  Because my introverted self wouldn't have/ couldn't have ever done this without that push.

Now, tonight, my team is ranked number 4 on the top teams list.  And I'm not telling you this to brag, because it's not something that I did.  It's something amazing happening.  It's a miracle, in my book, that it's all coming together in such happy way.  That I could recruit enough friends to fill out our team.  That together we could fundraise over $1,100, before the event has even begun!  That is a pure and wonderful miracle. 

What's that verse about God having a bigger plan for me than I had for myself?  Is it even a verse?  I googled it and came up with a movie quote, but whatever it may be, that's definitely what it feels like to me.  I had hoped to struggle along and maybe raise $500.  I wasn't sure if there would even be more than 3 of us on the team.  But is' all working out bigger and so much better than I ever dreamed.  The verses below were the best I could come up with.  If you know one that fits better, I'd love for you to share it.

If you have joined my team, and are helping to make this happen, or if you have donated to our Relay for Life team, THANK YOU.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping our team to help others.  I am so truly blessed.

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.  

Proverbs 16:3

A person may plan his own journey,
   but the Lord directs his steps. 

Proverbs 16:9

A Revelation...

I realized something tonight, driving down the road to my yoga class of all places...

I am HAPPY.

That sounds a little silly, doesn't it?  But this was a major revelation.  I'm not talking, 'Hey, it was a good day today Happy'.  I'm talking, 'Wow, this-is-incredible, can't-stop-smiling, deep-in-my-soul HAPPY'  Just generally happy.  Not because of a particular thing or event, but.....just because.

Do you want to know the kicker?  I should be freaking out right now.  I am sooooo far backlogged on paperwork,  my office is a perpetual disaster zone, my good friend and I have taken on the role of putting together and leading a team for the Relay for Life, my pastor just asked me to take over the job of leading the handbell choir (which I feel woefully underqualified for...),  I'm trying to declutter our house and organize our family of four,  I'm hosting a GoodbyeJunk Challenge on this blog & on twitter.... I'm getting started training to walk a half marathon, with asthma... See? 

I.Should.Be.Freaking.Out.Right.Now.

But, I'm not.  I am HAPPY!  Go figure.

Maybe it's the Yoga.  Maybe it's Goodbye Junk.  Maybe it's HelloMornings.  Maybe it's Prayer.  Maybe it's taking real care of myself for a change, and looking at things with gratitude.  Maybe it's just the simple fact that I'm not trying to be perfect anymore, and I'm just trying to do my best little by little to make progress.  Maybe it's a combination of all of those things.   Whatever it is, I'm going to keep doing it, because it's working! 

Be truly glad.  There is wonderful joy ahead....

 - I Peter 1:6

May you find joy and happiness as well. 

This post is dedicated to my dear friends K & M.  I'm convinced that conversations with the two of you are a real part of where I've found this happiness. Thank you for the blessing of your friendship and support!

The Day I Got Ambushed

Wow.  I am both at a loss for words, and have so many thoughts racing through my mind that I'm not sure where to start.  So, I guess I'll start at the beginning.

Yesterday, I got ambushed, and it was truly one of the best days of my life.  Seriously.  Right up there with getting married and having my boys.  

I got up, had coffee, checked email, got the boys ready, typical morning stuff.  We headed out to drop my youngest off at his summer camp, and then headed home to do a few chores.  One of my chores being some work paperwork, which means getting on the computer, and being my gmail-facebook-twitter-addicted self,  I had to check my email again first.  I opened it up, and there were FOUR comments on my blog.  From three people I don't know.  It was like Christmas in August!  Completely unexpected, completely out of left field.  Beautiful comments.  Seriously, I cried.  I'm crying right now too, btw! ;)

'Wow, that's so wonderful!  Someone must have sent them my way, I've got figure out who to thank!'

I went on with the morning chores, ended up at my neighbor, SomeGirl's house, (our boys are buddies) and asked if she'd sent these kind comment makers my way?  No.  Not her.  Hmmm....  Strange, but still wonderful.  My whole entire day had been brightened, and now it was obvious that it wasn't someone I knew in 'real' life.  Even more amazing and AWE-inspring.   I was starting to feel a little of that 'God's got His hand in this' feeling...

Went on with my morning, taking my oldest out for our shopping date.  My addiction to gmail made me stop on the way into the mall and check to see if my other friend had replied back yet about our plans that night.  Yep!  But right below her email was another.... "Your post has a comment" email.  Actually, a couple of them.  What?  MORE comment love?  Is it 2012? Is the world ending, because this little ole blog of mine usually gets comments from my 3 IRL friends/family followers.  Six comments in a few hours?  I felt like I was being punk'd...but in the really best, nicest way possible.  And yes, I cried again.  WHERE are these coming from?  I've got to find out who to thank.

Well, it just kept happening.   I'd check email and there would be a new comment.  Or two new comments.  I was truly blown away by the love and kindness that was pouring out of the internet to me, from people I'd never met.  I don't think I can recall any other time when I just felt surrounded by so much love and positive energy all day long.  The first comments were enough to make my whole day.  The fact that I kept getting comments throughout the day, and even into this morning, just makes me speechless.  There is definitely a BLESSING happening to me here.  And it's beyond words.  It's as if God is telling me, through these wonderful people, 'Okay...you've headed in the right direction.  Keep it up!' 

There have been two other times in my life when I have completely felt the presence of God.  Not like, "Yeah, He is with me" but like I was surrounded by Him, and by His love. He might not have been visible, but He was THERE.   They were incredible experiences.  And now, this LOVE AMBUSH is another.  I felt so loved all day long.  And every time I would think that was wonderful enough, and not expect more, there was more love.  It was like being surrounded by love all day, no matter which way I turned.  Truly incredible.  And I will never, ever forget it.

To each of you who left me a love ambush comment, and to my 'regular' comment makers too:

THANK YOU.  

You have blessed me beyond words.  

From the very deepest part of my heart, Thank You!

To the ladies at Gather Inspirit who set up this little love ambush: 

Thank you.  

You have no idea how blessed I am by you.  

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

My hope for all of you sweet readers:

May you embrace life,

Find yourself surrounded by blessings,

And look for ways          

               to be a blessing to others.

Practice, Practice, Practice

One of the things that I need needed to change in my life, like so many other people, is was my lack of exercise.  I've started working out regularly for the last two months, so I feel like I'm making good progress in that department.  But, it's not something that's ever going to go away.  I'm going to have to keep doing the exercise, keep making healthy food choices, and keep choosing to be healthy over junky and lazy.  That used to sound like some kind of terrible prison  sentence.  But, the more I practice it, all of it, the easier it gets.  And the more I choose the right path, the more that becomes what I truly want.  The junky stuff is slowly becoming the stuff that I'd rather not eat.  Huh.  I would have never thought that would happen.

I grew up skinny,  thin-like-a-pencil, and ate whatever I wanted.  I was a sugar maniac.  I remember as a teen, some friends of my parents came to visit, and were just amazed at how much junk food I could eat, and 1) not get sick and 2) be so darn skinny.  I just laughed.  Now, almost 25 years later, things are different, and I totally see what they meant!   I ate terribly, because it didn't matter.  

Now, it does matter.  It's taking a lot of practice to change those habits.  Practice, practice, and more practice.  That's all it takes.  Practice Makes Progress.  Not perfection, but progress.  Sometimes it's hard to see how much progress you're really making.  It helps to look back, to write down where you started, to look forward to a goal you've set for yourself.   For me, I set a goal to do that crazy infomercial workout,  P90X with my husband.  90 days.  Insane workouts.  My goal was to just get through it, the best that I could.   I'm about 1/2 way through with it now, and I'm noticeably stronger.

Three weeks ago,  one of the workouts was this crazy shoulder, chest & triceps workout.  Push ups.  90million push ups.  Regular ones, wide ones, one armed ones, ones where you jump up and clap in the middle.  Did I mention I can't --I mean CAN NOT do push ups?  I don't mean I can only do a few, I can't do any.  So this workout was so frustrating.  I tried.  But if you can't do a regular push up, you can't do a one armed push up, now can you?   I stuck with it. I tried.  I practiced.  I failed.  But I didn't give up.  Practiced some more the next week, and the week after that.  Then, yesterday, at my new challenging yoga class (I call it 'Killer Yoga'....it's brutal but fun.) PROGRESS!  I did a full push-up.  A full-on guy-style toes on the floor, legs straight with knees not on the floor, butt not sticking up in the air, correct form push up!  The funny part was, I didn't intentionally try for it... It just kind of happened, and I was stunned! It might have been 'only one' push-up, but it was HUGE progress.  Progress isn't always easy to see.  It really likes to quietly sneak up on you, but only if you keep practicing when you can't see it yet.

That same idea carries over to other areas of life.  Other things that need practicing.  There are other ways I want to see progress, but don't yet.  Catching up and keeping up with paperwork.  Cleaning and organizing.  Spending time in prayer and meditation.  Practice. It's all about the practice.  Keep practicing.  Keep trying.  Little by little those things will add up until suddenly the progress will be visible.

How about you?  Is there an area where you are practicing something? Waiting to see some progress?  Don't give up.  It will happen if you keep working for it!

Set a goal.

Practice.

Practice again.

Practice a little more.

Keep practicing.

Celebrate each little bit of progress as it sneaks up on you.

Keep practicing.

Keep celebrating.

That goal will become reality.

May you be blessed by both the practice and progress!

Summer Plans

"What are your summer plans?"  It seems like I've been asked this daily for the last month.  We really aren't doing anything special out-of-the-ordinary.  Hanging out, swimming, VBS, enjoying each other.  Seems like nothing special, right?  But it is special.  It's oh-so-special.  It's time.  Time to enjoy each other, and count our blessings.

I ran across this poem while cleaning out my "I'm-going-to-end-up-on-that-Hoarders-TV-show" office this morning.  I think I'm going to make it my summer mantra.   Thank you, Lord,  for my two wiggly, sticky, bug-loving blessings.

A Mom's Prayer

Dear Lord, It's such a hectic day,

With little time to stop and pray,

For life's been anything but calm,

Since You called me to be a Mom.

Running errands, matching socks,

Building dreams with matching blocks,

Cooking, cleaning, finding shoes,

And other stuff that children lose,

Fitting lids on bottled bugs,

Wiping tears and giving hugs,

A stack of last week's mail to read, 

So where's the quiet time I need?

Yet, when I steal a moment, Lord,

Just at the sink or ironing board,

To ask the blessings of Your grace,

I see them, in my small one's face,

That You have blessed me

All the while~~

And I stoop to kiss 

That precious smile.

~Author Unknown~

May you be blessed this summer.

How To Feel Defeated

Have you ever had one of those days where you're just rolling along, having a normal, happy day, when suddenly WHAM!  Something slaps ya down and leaves ya feeling completely defeated?  Hopeless.  Crushed.  Beat down.  Does that ever happen to you?  No?  Well, let me give you some quick and easy tips on how to let yourself feel defeated.  It's easy.   (Warning, don't try all of these at once!  Maybe just one or two at a time...  Or, maybe hopefully, none at all! )

How to Feel Defeated:

#1  Don't get enough sleep.  Make sure that you are always just dragging along, barely making it through your day.  This makes it really easy for that feeling of defeat to just sneak up on you and knock you down.  Any little set back will do it.

#2 Don't manage your stress.  Sweep things that bother you under the rug and pretend you're not worrying about them.  Ignore them and let them all pile up on you as long as possible.

#3 Never EVER ask for help.  Don't ever let anyone know that something is bothering you.  They might do something wacky and awesome like help you out, or cheer you up, or my favorite.... PRAY for you!

#4 Keep as much chaos in your life as possible.  Keep a pile of clutter on the table (or counter top) at all times.  Make sure you never have enough laundry clean or put away.  Randomly put your car keys, glasses, or cell phone down in different places, so that you always struggle to find them.  Never, ever, ever file your important papers in any kind of organized fashion.

#5 Spend every waking minute taking care of someone other than yourself.   Put your children, husband, family, friends, neighbors, dog, postal carrier and bank teller first.   If you have time to take care of yourself, you obviously haven't worked hard enough to find someone else who needs your help more!

#6 Keep people at a distance, and avoid keeping a close circle of friends at all costs. Friends will lift you up, not help you to feel defeated.  Keep as far away as you can from anything that even resembles a friendship. 

#7 Talk negatively to yourself in your head all day long.  Tell yourself how horrible you look in that bathing suit.  Remind yourself what a stupid mistake that was that you made yesterday (or last week).  Talk to yourself even worse more harshly than you would talk to your worst enemy.

Okay, as I said in the little warning above, doing none of these things would be best!  Obviously, I don't want you to do any of these awful things to yourself.  This is my tongue in cheek reminder to myself to not let that moment of feeling defeated take over.  I had one of those today, you know.  I know, you're shocked.  You'd never have guessed, right?  It was related to a certain four year old that I'm madly in love with, but who is having certain issues that fall in the TMI category.  So, after, another blankety blank blank accident incident, I just felt completely defeated. And I tweeted it.  (The feeling defeated, not the TMI...)  Within moments, my super awesome, can't wait to meet her in real life, twitter friend tweeted this back to me:

Fear not!  

Whatever it is, I'm sure it's going to get better. 

#prayingforyou

JamieAnne, you have no idea how much better that tweet made me feel!  It made me cry. (I'm tearing up now writing about it.)  How wonderful is it that we can make friends and support each other, across time and space, without having ever met?  Pretty neat, I think.  Thank you!

Just one more note, and then I'll be done, I promise.  About #7, talking badly to yourself?  I read this post earlier today, "You Are Much More Than Your Bathing Suit".   Appropriately, it was right before I headed out to the pool for the first time this season.  Let me tell you, this lady has the right idea, the right attitude.  There is always a positive way to look at something.  It sometimes takes awhile to figure out what that might be, but it's there.  Look for it.  Search for it.  

Don't give up until you figure out what the positive is, and use it to crush the negatives into submission. 

Kicking That Mean Girl's...You-know-what

So, 40 days of yoga.  I'm looking at that now with only 1 day down, and 39 to go, and it sounds daunting.  What was I thinking?  I am so already sore from just last night's kick butt Hatha Fusion practice.  It was great.  It was HARD.  It was exactly what I needed.  But that mean girl in my head keeps saying "You can't do this.  What a stupid idea.  You'll never follow through with it... Who do you think you are, anyway???"

Which brings me to the point of this post.  Excuse my language, but I am going to kick that mean girl's ass.  Seriously.  40 days of yoga.  40 days of telling that mean girl to shut-the-hell-up and step to the curb.  Get out of my life!  GO AWAY!

Why?  Because I realized something during a yoga class last week.  I was struggling, and miserable, and all this anger was coming out.  (It sounds weird, but sometimes in the middle of class, emotions/stuff just come out, and this time I just suddenly got SO MAD!)  So there I was, holding some pose or other, and just fuming mad.  Don't know why.  Then the mean girl started talking to me.  "This is stupid.  Why are you here? You don't belong here.  You're way too fat and out of shape.  You don't belong here.  You shouldn't be here, fat girl."  And I held the pose, and listened to her.  I even repeated it to myself "I don't belong here."  And then I realized something kind of earth-shattering for me.  That mean girl in my head isn't me. That mean girl in my head is the voice of... well, I'm almost afraid to say it because you'll think I'm crazy, but... the devil. 

Now, you may not believe in the devil.  Heck, you might not believe in God.  You might believe in part of it, or none of it.  I did.  I used to not believe in any of it.  Then I believed that there was something bigger, but it wasn't God.  Then I believed in God, but not about Jesus and the resurrection.  Then I believed in God & Jesus, but not the devil.  Until one day I heard something along the lines of "If you believe there is good and evil in the world, and you believe in God, and that God is good, then you kind of have to believe in the other side too, that the devil is there on the side of evil."  And so, at the risk of sounding like a looney-tunes religious nut, I believe in the devil too. 

My friends and I have had many conversations lately about our inner mean girls.  I've even said that we should talk to ourselves nicely, like the way someone who loves us, or God would talk to us.  Someone who loves us would be encouraging and supportive, not destructive and mean.  But it's so hard to shut up the mean girl!  I'm trying to be nice to myself, and do good things for me, but she won't shut up.  She keeps coming back, trying to tear me down.  And so, listening to her in the middle of my yoga practice, I suddenly had the thought... That's the devil talking.  That's not you...you're trying to make yourself a better, healthier person.  That's an evil voice trying to tear you down.   And just like that, the mean girl shut up and vanished, and the anger melted away.  Huh.  How about that.

Go out and kick some mean girl butt today!  ;)

Happy Monday!

Happy Monday!  Just logged in to do a quick post, and I see that I'm up to 5 followers!  Woo-hoo!  Thanks to all of you, whether or not you hit the follow button or subscribe ( I have no idea how to know about who is doing that), or if you just stop by once in awhile.   Please take just a second, really, just a second, and CLICK HERE for something I really want you to know.  Then come on back and finish this post if you're up for it.


So, now that you know how glad I am to have you here, here's the next Monday Morning Staff Meeting.
First, the roundup from last week, then I'll tell you about my big lesson for the week:

Go somewhere new.  We went to two new parks and found some cool play areas.
Read something.  We read several new books from our awesome re-opened library.
Explore something.  We were going to explore the new library, but someone got sick, so we had to postpone.
Build something.  We built more onto the tree fort with daddy.  Okay, so I just watched, but  3 out of 4 family members helped, so I say that counts. :)
Clean something.  Hmm.... cleaned A LOT.  Some major stuff, some daily stuff.  My house looks so much better now, and I just want to do more!  (See mom, you were right.  Eventually I grew out of the messy stage.  It just took 38 years... )
Grow something. Managed to keep my flat of Impatiens seedlings alive for another week.
Cook something.  Didn't do any new recipes, but still cooked, so that's good enough.
Plant something. Planted some stuff along our new path to SomeGirl's house.
Investigate/Scout something.  Saved for next week, due to sickness.  

So, what was the big lesson from the week, I'm sure you're dying to know?  Well, you may or may not know that I guest posted over here last week for Fraddling Friday.  I spent the week thinking about how I was fraddling.  Fraddle is doing something someone else loves because they love it, and you love them.  Because I was thinking about it all week for that Friday post, I spent a lot of time thinking about something I wasn't looking forward to doing.  And I started telling myself to think about it with a different attitude.  I started telling myself, "Be thankful, not resentful."  I started saying it to myself in my head, Be THANKFUL, not resentful.   I am THANKFUL, not resentful.  And then I started to be thankful for it.  Thankful for the chance to do something that would really make the day of someone I love.  Thankful to be able to do that thing.  Thankful for the chance to share that thing with the person I love.  And I stopped resenting it.  The result was that I wasn't stressed out and resenting that thing the whole time, and instead had a nice day.  

There are two quotes that I really like about attitude.  The first, is by Winston Churchill who said, “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”  He was so right.   The other, is from Francesca Reigler, who said, 

 "Happiness is an attitude. 

We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. 

The amount of work is the same.”

 

My to do list for this week is going to stay simple.  Just two things, really.  

1. Spend time enjoying my sister and her family visiting.

2. Be positive about things, even things I don't like, and choose happiness over misery.  (That pretty much covers everything, if you think about it...)

 

I am choosing to be happy and strong.  How about you?  Is there something you could change your attitude about and make life happier for yourself this week? Leave me a comment and let me know.  I'd love to hear from you!

May you be blessed with a positive attitude, and the ability to see the bright side of things this week.

A Sunbeam to Warm You

St. Patrick's Day is has always been a special day for me, being part Irish.  There is a part of me that has always been fascinated by stories of Ireland, and the lush green country there.  Someday, I hope to go visit and explore it myself.  

In college, I met my future husband on St. Patrick's day.  So, in honor of the sixteenth anniversary of the day we first met, I've decided to share a traditional Irish blessing with you.

 May God grant you always...

A sunbeam to warm you, 

A moonbeam to charm you, 

A sheltering Angel so nothing can harm you. 

Laughter to cheer you. 

Faithful friends near you. 

And whenever you pray, 

Heaven to hear you.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!! 

 

May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back.  May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields.  And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

Encouraging Weeds

Who says weeds are weeds and not beautiful, bountiful flowers?  This is the question my son and I were talking about on the way home from school recently.
He: Mom, what kind of flower is that?
Me: It's just a weed honey.
He: No, not the yellow one.  The pretty purple ones.
Me: Those are just weeds, too.
He:  Why is it a weed? It's so pretty!  What makes it a weed?

At this, I flashed back to an almost identical moment from my childhood.  We had gone down to the family farm to visit my grandparents for a week during the summer.  It was a house without running water, no cable TV, and so we spent a lot of wonderful time outdoors.  One day, after walking through the fields collecting all the prettiest flowers I could find, I got back to the house and proudly presented them to my grandmother.  I asked about what kind of flowers they were.  She smiled, and told me they were weeds rather than wildflowers.  Not that she didn't appreciate me picking them for her, because she did.  And she was very kind about it, but I still remember the feeling on not understanding how things that were so beautiful could be considered worthless weeds.

Seems kind of unfair to me, that so many pretty flowers that grow quickly and spread easily in even the toughest conditions, are deemed "undesirable".  Dandelions for example.  I know many people who are constantly working to banish these "weeds" from their yards.  I think the yellow blossoms are actually quite cheery.  And the little white puffballs that they turn into are the stuff of magical childhood wishes.  So why the negative feelings about them?  Those purple 'weeds' that my son was admiring are particularly beautiful when a homeowner has let them take over the yard.  It's a truly gorgeous sea of purple flowers when they are spread across a lawn like that.  But they are considered undesirable.  Go figure.

I can't help but think that some people are treated exactly the same way.  Just because they are in the 'wrong' place.  Maybe they've lost their home and are looked down upon for living in their car or a shelter.  Maybe they simply live outside the boundaries of what we consider normal.  Maybe it's something else that sets them apart.  Everyone has value.  Everyone has something good to give the world.   It might not look like we expect it to, but it also might be so much better than we expect too.  We have to look deeply inside ourselves to find out what it is we have to share, and we have to be open to the gifts that others have to share as well.  What can we learn from someone who is growing and surviving, even in the toughest conditions?  A lot, I think, especially in our neatly manicured little worlds.

Come back soon for the other part of this post, when I'll fill you in on the encouraging part...

Wish Flowers....Encouraging weeds Wishes, part 2.

May you be blessed today and always

by the beauty that is all around us.

Lessons from the Happy Monster Band

 Sometimes, lessons come from the most unexpected places.  Like the PlayHouse Disney lineup on the Disney channel.  My littlest is on the couch right now watching the Happy Monster Band.  From the kitchen, I hear one of their songs... "Practice Makes Progress".  Now, I have always said or heard, 'practice makes PERFECT'.  And since I have such perfectionist tendencies, I tend to want to either do it perfectly, or just scrap it and not even try.  This is a huge problem, and something that I'm working really hard to let go.  Like my friend, SomeGirl says, we are recovering perfectionists.  So, hearing this song 'Practice Makes PROGRESS' really struck me.  Here are just a few lines from the song:

Practice Makes Progress

It will help you be the best

practice makes progress

it will help you find success

(If you want to hear the whole thing, click the link 

and the song will be on the bottom right 

once the playhouse Disney page comes up. )

It's true, isn't it?  The whole point of us working on things, practicing things, whether it's yoga or cleaning & organizing, or eating right, is to make progress.  Do any of us really, truly, think we can achieve perfection? No.  We might aim for it, and I might expect it of myself, but I don't think it's actually possible. Actually, I know it's not possible.  None of us are perfect.  So that means I'm automatically set in a position for failure, at least in my head.  I like the idea of expecting progress instead.   Lately, instead of beating myself up about not reaching those crazy perfectionist goals, I've simply been telling myself that a little + a little + a little =  success.  It will add up and get you there.  

One of the other things that struck me came from a conversation with my friend, J., yesterday.   She and I talked about always feeling defeated, because we're always having something come up, and then we get off track and have to keep starting over.  It feels like we're endlessly starting over.  Which is depressing.  But, maybe we need to just rethink that.  Maybe it's just all in our perspective.  As long as we do keep starting over, we're that much closer to success.  As long as we don't give up when unexpected things come up, we'll stay on the right track simply because we do keep starting over.


I have a long way to go, but I can already see these little + little + little adding up.  My house is cleaner.  The kids area of the garage is organized now where they can just go out and grab something to play with, and have a spot to put it back.  (This is a huge deal now that it's starting to warm up outside.) My messy pit office floor is clear, and the couch isn't piled with boxes of stuff anymore.  That list that I made this week at my pretend  "staff meeting"?  It has really helped me focus on what to do.  SomeGirl told me it stressed her out to read it, and I can see that.  But for me, it's helping me to feel successful, because I didn't put any crazy time goals on there.  I'll just try to achieve those things this week sometime. It's also helping me feel successful, because as long as I'm doing something from that list, I'm on the right track.  Before, I was telling myself,  "Today I'll work on the office.  Or the kitchen.  Or the laundry."  So then, if I was working on laundry on the "office day" I'd feel like I was off track.  But it's all part of the bigger picture, the bigger job.  And aiming to have it done so that I can just do whatever on Friday with the boys is VERY motivating!

Things are clicking.  Things are adding up.  

Things are getting more balanced!  

WooHoo!!

   Yee-haw! (This is Texas, after all...)

and ALLELUIA!  

Or, as my youngest just said,

"Yabba Dabba Scooby Dooby Doo!"

May you be blessed with seeing  

PROGRESS 

in things you are working on, too!

Don't Look Over Your Shoulder!

I just wanted to tell you, yes, YOU.  Don't look over your shoulder, I'm really talking to YOU!  I just wanted to tell you thank you for being here.  For coming to read.  You being here, and reading this, makes me think more, write more, and blesses me more.  Whether I know you or not, whether I know you're even here or not, You Bless Me.  Thank you.  I hope I can return the favor.

Shell

Yoga as Worship

I started this blog to have a way to see my progress, both with looking for balance, and yoga.  Mostly for yoga though.  I wanted to have a way to look back and see how far I'd come, and how it had helped.  I know it will help, simply because of how wonderful and refreshed I feel after a class.  Not so much during class, because it kicks my out-of-shape butt, but at the end, and after.... I feel A-maz-ing.  Just incredible.  The feeling usually lasts all day.

Now, notice I say I started out with those intentions.  But, clearly, this has become equally, if not more, about my search for balance and my relationship with God.  Because here, I can write the things I'm too afraid to say out loud to people, as wrong as that may be.  And I'm realizing how much I need this outlet for that side of me!

However, I don't actually see the two things, God and yoga, as separate, or opposing, or whatever the rest of the world may think.  I have always been a person who doesn't feel very connected to God in church.  I know, I know.  How can I say that?  Well, hang on and let me explain before you decide to stone me.  Church is okay.  I learn from it.  I'm uplifted by it.  But it's not where I feel closest to God.  I have always felt closest to God when I am out in nature.  Out in His Creation, I see the miracles of all He created, all around me.  I see his touch in the leaves on the trees, hear it in the wind, smell it in the flowers, admire it in the sunset.  That is where I feel connected to Him.

When my oldest was around two, we were out in LA with my parents, visiting my brother.  Mom and Dad went out to dinner with some friends, and I decided to hang back at the condo with my little one.  We ended up walking down to sit on the beach and watch the sunset.  It was a wonderful evening.  Quiet and peaceful. As we walked down to the beach, I remember thinking how I wished that there were shells to collect on the beaches, like there are in Galveston.  It's one of my favorite things to do...look for pretty shells on the beach.  But there just aren't any on the California beaches usually.

At this time in my life, I was just starting to come back to my faith after a long, long, LONG period of doubt.  I mean, a really long time.  As my little one and I found our way onto the beach, we saw that it was just covered with dozens and dozens of shiny, smooth, black stones.  I'd never seen anything like them on any beach.   They were beautiful.  So we sat together on the sand, and watched the waves and the sunset, and collected these really cool rocks.  And as I watched my son dig in the sand with the sun setting behind him, I felt so connected to God.  So in tune with Him.  So believing in Him!  It was a somewhat surprising but oh-so-joyful feeling.   And I was so grateful for every moment.  It's one of those times that I can recall with such clarity, that the joy comes right back along with the memory.  We took home a small pocketful of those rocks to remember the evening.

The next day, we went back down to the beach again, hoping to walk and collect a few more rocks.  There was not a single one on the beach, anywhere.  They were completely gone.  If I hadn't saved a few the night before, I might have thought I'd imagined them.  And I can't help but feel that God put those rocks there just for me.  Call me crazy if you want, but He totally used that evening to get through to me again.  And I finally listened!

So this is why I say I don't feel closest to him in church.  Church is good.  But nature is better.  His creation is better.  And now, I've realized that yoga is another way for me to feel closer to Him, and thankful, and aware.  There is no one else in between us. No pastor. ( I love Pastor Mike!)  No choir ( I love our choir!) No having to greet and say hello to dozens of people (who are all very nice, but did I mention I'm an introvert, and I mean INTRO-vert, and that really just drains me?).    In nature, and during yoga, it's just me and God.   Period.  Me being thankful to Him.  Him filling me with peace, love, strength, hope, or whatever I need most that day.

When I started to write this post, I thought it would be about how yoga doesn't have to be new age, or Hindu, doesn't have to be anti-christian.  And I did a little research on the web, and yikes!   There are some preachy and judgemental people out there!  Wow!  You "christians" are the ones who drove me into that long, long, long period of doubt.  Because it was a long time before I learned that God and religion are NOT the same thing.  Religion is what man brings to it, however he might choose to twist it to fit his own....whatever.  I'm not going there.  I hate religion.  I love God.  And if it comes down to a choice, I'm going to ask myself everytime what would God & Jesus say or do over what do humans and religions say to do.

Jesus was always freaking people out.  Doing things that "weren't allowed".   Hanging out with tax collectors and prostitutes.  Maybe in 2010 he'd be hanging out at the yoga studio, who knows?  I do know that he wouldn't be worried about what people were saying he should or shouldn't do.   He'd be worried about what was in my heart.   He wouldn't see yoga as me in worship of myself (because trust me, when I see myself in the mirror I'm not going to worship that image!)  but instead he would see in my heart that I am in awe and worship and awareness of Him.  He would know that I am acknowledging that I can't do it all on my own, and I need Him.  He would know that I am thankful for every cell of my body that is able to practice these crazy poses, thankful for getting a tiny bit better each time, thankful for the good health I have, thankful for the chance to be still. 

"Be still, and know that I am God."  

Psalm 46:10.  

That has got to be my favorite verse in the bible.  So powerful.  So difficult to do.

Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart

1 Samuel 16:7

So, yes, for me, yoga IS worship. And I know He knows what's in my heart, so I'm okay with saying that. It is my chance to spend 90 minutes taking care of the body God has blessed me with, and also being still and loving Him.    

In the words of Jesus:

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. 

Matthew 5:8

Do you know what? There are a few times, when I've had a really, really good practice, really focused the whole time on being still, and being aware of Him, when at the end, I felt as connected to him as I did that night on the beach.   I can feel His peace and love.  It's incredible. It's joyful.  It's priceless.

Joyful Thanksgiving.   Is there any other workout that can leave you filled with that feeling?  That's a workout I can keep doing.  That I actually look forward to doing.

May you be blessed by the stillness and quiet, 
so that you might have a chance to practice 'knowing God'.

The Recipe for Balance

 

More signs of hope for spring!  I've had several little crocus bulbs poking their heads up despite the cold, cloudy, dreary, yucky, miserable, will-it-ever-be-over-and-warm-up-again weather!  

They make me smile, 

make me happy, 

make me hopeful.

The pictures above and below are how they looked this morning:

Then, this afternoon, the sun came out and hope bloomed:

Those are the same two flowers, both photographs taken today.  Amazing what a little time, and hope (and sun!) can do to change the way things look!

They may be hiding in the leaves, Mother Nature's version of I Spy or Where's Waldo, but they are there if you are just willing to look.  Hope is always there, if you're just willing to look and to believe. It may still be waiting beneath the soil for the right time to pop up and bloom, but it is there.  Embrace hope.  Do not get discouraged.   Be hopeful.

 

Several months ago, when I first started to redecorate and clean out my pit of an office, I hung up a large cross on the wall.  In the middle, there is a circle with the word HOPE inscribed upon it.  My husband looked at it, and said, "What do you need hope for?"  And I looked at him, and thought "What do I not need hope for?"  I need hope that I can achieve all the things on this huge 'to-do' list that I've given myself.  I need hope that I can get myself (and my life in general) balanced out and happy.  That I can finally get this stupid office cleaned out!  Now, this pit of an office is no exaggeration.  It has been overflowing with stuff since before we moved to Texas.  In Oklahoma, the room was about 1/2 the size, but we had two computer desks, my husband's drum set and music gear, his electronics junk,  and all of the office bookkeeping/paperwork crammed in that little room.  It was not the least bit organized.   When we moved, the office got bigger, but it also became the dumping ground for whatever hadn't been unpacked yet.  Or stuff that we didn't know where to put yet, or.....whatever we didn't want people to see and trip over.  Throw it in the office and close the door.  Two and a half years later, I finally decided enough was enough.  I'm going to get that office cleaned out and organized if it kills me!  I'm working on it.  And it's slow going.  But I'm thinking about it from a more balanced perspective.... a little, plus a little, plus a little more, will eventually end up with the office/retreat that I have in my head.  I will get there.   I have hope!  

It's a little bit like yoga.  I can't do half the poses.  I can't balance on one foot with my fingers wrapped around my big toe and my leg out straight in front of me.  Heck, I can barely balance on one leg!  But every time I practice, I get just a little bit closer to my goal.  And it's okay to be working on it.  To be practicing.  I'm giving myself permission to not be perfect all at once, but to let it be a process, a journey.  Toward balance, not perfection. 

I put that cross up on the wall of my unfinished office, to remind myself that I'm not on this journey alone.  

I pray that God, who gives hope, will bless you with complete happiness and peace 

because of your faith. And may the power of the Holy Spirit fill you with hope. 

Romans 15:13 

Contemporary English Version

Last week, my husband said to me, "When you finally get that office finished, you know you will have reached the end of your quest."  Well, what he said was better than that, but I can't remember the exact words he used.  They were both funny and so true.   And he's right.  That office is the symbol of my quest for balance.  And I am definitely still searching!  

For now there are faith,

   hope, and love.

   But of these three,

   the greatest is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13 

Contemporary English Version

Sounds like a great recipe for balance to me.  A little faith, a little hope, and a little love.  I'll have to keep that mantra in my head!

May you be blessed with faith, hope, & love, 

and maybe even a tiny bit of balance!

Reflections

On this day of your life, God wants you to know ... that to love is to be vulnerable.
   
Love is the opening of the heart, the welcoming of your beloved. Loving is not secure, authentic loving is risky. Security lies behind the walls of a closed heart. You either invite the union by opening in love, or you secure the isolation by closing down.

I read that this morning, kind of shrugged, and thought, Well, that doesn't really apply.   I love and am loved by my boys, my husband, my family, my friends.  I'm already open and taking that risk.  Then God poked me in the back, tapped me on the shoulder, whispered in my ear...  (Wait,  I am not a crazy person.  I don't mean He actually poked me or any of that.  I didn't actually hear a voice.  But it was the same as if I had...)
So, I'm sitting there, almost smirking to myself about how I've already got this one handled, and then... Bam!  Gibbs Slap to the head.... (Come on, you watch NCIS don't you?  Mark Harmon rocks!)  Anyway, I get this mental slap-to-the-back-of-the-head and the not exactly whispered.... "What about Me?" 

As usual, He's right, and I'm wrong. 
Do I love God?  Yes!
Do I go to worship? Yes! 
Do I pray regularly? Yes!
Do I try to go about my daily life as I think He might want me to? Yes.
Do I participate in handbells and other groups at church?  Yes.
Do I read and study and reflect?  Yes. 
Is my heart completely open and fully taking the risk of loving and being loved by Him?  No.


That's a little shocking isn't it?  It's my secret (not-so-secret now...) confession.  I am still afraid.  I am still worried about offending people who might not agree with me.  I am still worried that people will think I'm 'one of those religious nuts'.  I am not comfortable talking to people about God, or telling them that I will pray for them.   I am worried about being judged.  I still isolate myself from God, even though I know that He is always with me, always supporting me, always loving me.  Sad, right?

I had a friend ask me the other day if I had given up anything for Lent, or if that was just something Catholics do.  And I couldn't say it.  I wrote out this beautiful post about it, obviously have it well thought out and am doing it everyday, but I couldn't say it.  I was afraid.  And then I was ashamed at not taking the awesome opportunity to share with her.   So I tried to start telling her, but it just came out a jumbled mess that didn't make much sense.  I wasn't comfortable talking about how I look at it as giving up something that separates us from God. That was just too risky.  And because I haven't let my heart truly, fully open, I lost a perfect opportunity to share God's love.  Shame on me.

God, make a fresh start in me,
      shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
   Don't throw me out with the trash,
      or fail to breathe holiness in me.
   Bring me back from gray exile,
      put a fresh wind in my sails!
   Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
      so the lost can find their way home.
   Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
      and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
   Unbutton my lips, dear God;
      I'll let loose with your praise. 

Psalm 51:10-13 (The Message)

 

Something I need to, and will be,  working on, to be sure.  It's just not something you ignore when you're head slapped and told 'snap out of it' by the real 'boss'.  So this is me, saying, "Yes, Boss!" May God help me to unbutton my lips and my heart, so I can sing His praises and share His love.

May you be blessed with a fully open heart, 

and filled to overflowing with His love.

Eureka! I have found it (or at least a piece of it!)

I have a confession to make.   I am a people pleaser.  It's not really such a good thing. I've always cared too much about what people think of me, what they think of how I look, what I'm doing, how my children are acting.  Even when I knew I wasn't really doing anything 'wrong', I would often feel.... I don't know, almost ashamed?... if someone disapproved of something about me.  Or even if I just thought they disapproved.  Or might disapprove.  Kind of ridiculous now writing that down, but it's true.  It has always been one of my struggles.  I want approval.

Yesterday, as I was trying yet again to fit in a trip to pick up my new glasses, I had a conversation in my head.  And I used my nice inner voice instead of the mean, judgemental one.  "Does it really matter if you fix your hair like you're going out on a date first?  They'll still give you your glasses if you're wearing a ponytail.   Just because it's in an upscale area, do you really need to dress up first?  No.  What you're wearing is fine.  It's GOOD ENOUGH!"   So off I went in my jeans and my ponytail to pick up my new glasses.  And do you know what happened?  I walked in the door, and back out (wearing my new glasses) in about 90 seconds.  Now, wouldn't I have felt foolish, and un-necessarily stressed, if I'd spent an hour doing my hair and makeup first?   Yes.  Did the girl tell me "Oh these are fun...you look cute!" even with my ponytail and jeans?  Yes!

Today, my friend and I met at McD's for an after school play date/mommy talk.  There were quite a few people there, and our boys happily played for an hour or so before getting hungry.  By the time we got our food, the place had pretty well cleared out, and it was nice and quiet in the play area.  We sat all four of our boys down at the table next to us, and let them eat.  Well, you know sooner or later, at least one of the boys was going to burp.  It just happens.  And then another one burped back.  And then they giggled.  And then another burp.  And more riotous giggles.  They were being boys and having such fun.   My friend and I looked at each other, recognized the harmless joy in our boys, and I said, "Well, at least it's just us in here and they aren't bothering anyone."  I'm a big believer teaching good manners, and good behavior, but also in letting children be children, and letting boys be boys.  Burping is a natural bodily function.  And somehow those bodily functions are just highly amusing to kids.  Go ahead an burp, have a little fun.  You're not hurting anyone, and it's not like we're out to dinner somewhere!

About 30 seconds after I said 'at least we're alone in here',  we hear from the other side of the post next to us: "THAT IS SO RUDE!!!  THEY SHOULD NOT BE BURPING LIKE THAT.  IT IS JUST RUDE.   I FIND IT VERY OFFENSIVE." 

Oh......crap.  Sorry, but that's what I thought.  Great, we're NOT alone in here, and now this mom is getting all huffy about it.   I mean, she was harsh.  And judgemental.  And the words coming at us just felt like venom.    So much so that, before I could form and offer an apology and explain that we had thought we were alone,  I was speechless.  I was.   I couldn't believe how harshly she was speaking to us, and assuming that she knew everything about how our boys behave ALL THE TIME, and how we've chosen to raise them.  (Now, let me just say, she had every right to be offended.  And even to ask us to get them to stop.  But it was the manner in which she was basically verbally attacking us that wasn't cool.)

In a kind voice, my friend replied with something like, "Yes, boys are like that.  Do you have any boys?"
She said: Yes, I do.  I have FIVE CHILDREN.  (With the tone, And I am a better mother than you!)

And then she continued on, and on, and on.  How it was rude.  How she doesn't allow that.  That her children are not allowed to burp.   Ever.  If they absolutely must, they have to leave the room first.  Are you kidding me?    How it is a constant battle, but she doesn't let them burp no matter what.  How she has five children, and if she can do it, then we could do it also.  As if we don't, and have never, taught our children any table manners. 

Now, as she continues to lecture us about how we should teach them manners, I have already long since quietly turned to the boys, and asked them to stop, since we are not the only ones in the playarea.  They stopped immediately, and ate the rest of their food talking quietly.  Not another burp, not even a tiny one. 

The mom is quiet for about a minute, and then starts lecturing us more on how it really is something that we should do, we should teach them table manners, and we should not let them burp, and we should this, and blah, blah, blah.  Now again, I have no problem with her feeling this way, but I do have a problem with her assuming to know how and what I've taught my children, and how and why I choose to parent them.  The venom coming from her was so awful, that I chose to not explain myself to her.  Because she wouldn't have understood anyway, that it was a choice, and a rare one for me, that we'd made to let the boys 'let loose' like that in public and just be boys and have fun.

I was so very angry at her presumptions, and her judgements, that I was shaking.  I was furious, livid, what other words can I use?  My friend even remarked to her at one point that while she felt our boys were being rude, her comments to us were feeling a bit rude as well.  She said, 'I have not said one word that has been rude to you' and then continued on with her lecture.  No, your words might not be rude in themselves, but your tone and sticking your nose into someone else's business certainly are!  Not to mention that the length of her berating us lasted for about five minutes compared to the 30 seconds of burping at the boys table.  Eventually, after she had stopped and started again about four times, I leaned around the post to face her and said, "I understand that you were offended.  But if you notice, they have long since stopped.  I would think that you could let the matter drop now."  And thankfully she did.

My friend and I tried to calm down from the adrenaline rush of being verbally attacked, and from being so angry about her presumptions about us and our boys.  We're talking about having something to blog about (hmmm... SNL could do a skit of Reba McIntyre.... 'Let's Give Them Something to Blog About...')  As wer're talking she says, laughing,  "Well, you'll have to find a way to find balance in this now you know!"

That got me thinking, and I actually calmed down and let it go pretty quickly after that.  Because I realized that I wasn't trying to please that mom.  I knew that I had taught my children table manners and good behavior.  I knew that I didn't find any harm in choosing to let them let loose for a change, since we thought we were alone.  I knew that I was sorry to have offended her, but that it was truly just an honest mistake about us being alone in the play area.  I knew that **gasp!!**, I don't think burping is that big a deal.  I knew that I wouldn't have gone back and made different choices.   I knew that I'm confident that both my friend and I are good moms. 

And so, Eureka!! I have found it!!   A tiny piece of that balance I'm seeking.  It's been percolating, and now I have the actual feeling (not just me telling myself) that I'm good enough the way I am, and that I'm a good mom, regardless of what some other mom might think. An unexpected blessing to sure!

A Simple Guide for Behavior

Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—

unless, of course, you want the same treatment. 

That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. 

It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face 

and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. 

Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' 

when your own face is distorted by contempt? 

It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, 

playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. 

Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, 

and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

Matthew 7: 1-5 The Message

May you be blessed with God's idea of good behavior :)