Lessons from the Happy Monster Band

 Sometimes, lessons come from the most unexpected places.  Like the PlayHouse Disney lineup on the Disney channel.  My littlest is on the couch right now watching the Happy Monster Band.  From the kitchen, I hear one of their songs... "Practice Makes Progress".  Now, I have always said or heard, 'practice makes PERFECT'.  And since I have such perfectionist tendencies, I tend to want to either do it perfectly, or just scrap it and not even try.  This is a huge problem, and something that I'm working really hard to let go.  Like my friend, SomeGirl says, we are recovering perfectionists.  So, hearing this song 'Practice Makes PROGRESS' really struck me.  Here are just a few lines from the song:

Practice Makes Progress

It will help you be the best

practice makes progress

it will help you find success

(If you want to hear the whole thing, click the link 

and the song will be on the bottom right 

once the playhouse Disney page comes up. )

It's true, isn't it?  The whole point of us working on things, practicing things, whether it's yoga or cleaning & organizing, or eating right, is to make progress.  Do any of us really, truly, think we can achieve perfection? No.  We might aim for it, and I might expect it of myself, but I don't think it's actually possible. Actually, I know it's not possible.  None of us are perfect.  So that means I'm automatically set in a position for failure, at least in my head.  I like the idea of expecting progress instead.   Lately, instead of beating myself up about not reaching those crazy perfectionist goals, I've simply been telling myself that a little + a little + a little =  success.  It will add up and get you there.  

One of the other things that struck me came from a conversation with my friend, J., yesterday.   She and I talked about always feeling defeated, because we're always having something come up, and then we get off track and have to keep starting over.  It feels like we're endlessly starting over.  Which is depressing.  But, maybe we need to just rethink that.  Maybe it's just all in our perspective.  As long as we do keep starting over, we're that much closer to success.  As long as we don't give up when unexpected things come up, we'll stay on the right track simply because we do keep starting over.


I have a long way to go, but I can already see these little + little + little adding up.  My house is cleaner.  The kids area of the garage is organized now where they can just go out and grab something to play with, and have a spot to put it back.  (This is a huge deal now that it's starting to warm up outside.) My messy pit office floor is clear, and the couch isn't piled with boxes of stuff anymore.  That list that I made this week at my pretend  "staff meeting"?  It has really helped me focus on what to do.  SomeGirl told me it stressed her out to read it, and I can see that.  But for me, it's helping me to feel successful, because I didn't put any crazy time goals on there.  I'll just try to achieve those things this week sometime. It's also helping me feel successful, because as long as I'm doing something from that list, I'm on the right track.  Before, I was telling myself,  "Today I'll work on the office.  Or the kitchen.  Or the laundry."  So then, if I was working on laundry on the "office day" I'd feel like I was off track.  But it's all part of the bigger picture, the bigger job.  And aiming to have it done so that I can just do whatever on Friday with the boys is VERY motivating!

Things are clicking.  Things are adding up.  

Things are getting more balanced!  

WooHoo!!

   Yee-haw! (This is Texas, after all...)

and ALLELUIA!  

Or, as my youngest just said,

"Yabba Dabba Scooby Dooby Doo!"

May you be blessed with seeing  

PROGRESS 

in things you are working on, too!

Monday Morning Staff Meeting

One of the things I'm doing to find balance is reading some blogs on uncluttering and being more productive.  One of them suggested scheduling a twenty minute meeting with yourself to figure out what you really need to accomplish.  Now, granted, this was aimed at people who have so-called "real" jobs, but since I've already established here that I have multiple jobs, I'm adopting the idea.   I'm calling it my Monday Morning Staff Meeting, I've got my work boots on, and you're invited to tag along.

Ok, team, here's what needs to get accomplished this week, in no particular order:

Let's start with you, Office Manager.  Tackle that pile of paperwork on your desk and get it cleared off.  When you get done with that, I want you to get those two baskets of "to do" and "to file" stuff finally taken care of.  Get your email cleared out again too.
Housekeeping?  I know it's still raining and muddy out, but you've really got to get those floors mopped and vaccumed. Yes, I know they'll just be dirty again two minutes later, but do it anyway.  Finish getting the laundry done also please.
Yoga girl?  You need to get to the studio and get in at least three classes this week.  And start off the other days with fifteen minutes of practice too. I don't care how bad your asthma is making you feel, go anyway.  You'll feel better when you're through.
Head chef? You need to get the weeks menus planned out and get the shopping done.  Let's have at least a couple of slow cooker nights, so you can have the kitchen cleaned up before dinner.  Make sure you tell the dishwasher that she is not to leave without the kitchen being fulled cleaned at the end of each evening.
Faithful child? You need to put God and prayer time first everyday.  Once you've done that, the rest will fall easily into the right perspective.  Let's get through the end of chapter two in your study book this week, and don't forget to pray for those on your prayer list.
Nutrition lady?  You need to make sure you're eating from your healthy anti-inflammatory foods list.  Don't forget to drink lots of water and take those vitamins.
Mama bear?  Make sure you work with the boys on completing their chore lists without constant reminders.  And don't forget that it's your job to play with them and enjoy them everyday too!
Lady Gardener?  There's a lot of debris to get picked up in both the front and back once the rain lets up.  Let's try to also get the leaves cleaned out of those front flower beds too.  It will be time to plant soon!  If the weather doesn't clear up, at least get that worm composting bin started.
Girlfriend?  Don't forget about Talkin' Tuesday.  Not that TT would ever be forgotten, since it's one of the highlights of your week.
Wife? Make sure you do something nice for your hubby this week.  Just something little to show him how much he's appreciated and loved.  Plan something for Friday night when the kids are at Nana's.  Maybe do some more anniversary planning too.
Dual blogger?  Let's get some blogging done each day, and avoid the Talkin' Tuesday hangover this week.  Maybe catch up on the drafts that are started for the boys, and then keep the balance blog updated daily.
Inner self? Set aside at least one hour this week to just do something that you love that brings you joy.  Just for you.

And finally, remember that Fridays are O.F.F.  days (Official Fraddling Fridays).   With Friday being an O.F.F. day, we need to get this to do list done so that Friday can be just about showing love and spreading joy.

Eureka! I have found it (or at least a piece of it!)

I have a confession to make.   I am a people pleaser.  It's not really such a good thing. I've always cared too much about what people think of me, what they think of how I look, what I'm doing, how my children are acting.  Even when I knew I wasn't really doing anything 'wrong', I would often feel.... I don't know, almost ashamed?... if someone disapproved of something about me.  Or even if I just thought they disapproved.  Or might disapprove.  Kind of ridiculous now writing that down, but it's true.  It has always been one of my struggles.  I want approval.

Yesterday, as I was trying yet again to fit in a trip to pick up my new glasses, I had a conversation in my head.  And I used my nice inner voice instead of the mean, judgemental one.  "Does it really matter if you fix your hair like you're going out on a date first?  They'll still give you your glasses if you're wearing a ponytail.   Just because it's in an upscale area, do you really need to dress up first?  No.  What you're wearing is fine.  It's GOOD ENOUGH!"   So off I went in my jeans and my ponytail to pick up my new glasses.  And do you know what happened?  I walked in the door, and back out (wearing my new glasses) in about 90 seconds.  Now, wouldn't I have felt foolish, and un-necessarily stressed, if I'd spent an hour doing my hair and makeup first?   Yes.  Did the girl tell me "Oh these are fun...you look cute!" even with my ponytail and jeans?  Yes!

Today, my friend and I met at McD's for an after school play date/mommy talk.  There were quite a few people there, and our boys happily played for an hour or so before getting hungry.  By the time we got our food, the place had pretty well cleared out, and it was nice and quiet in the play area.  We sat all four of our boys down at the table next to us, and let them eat.  Well, you know sooner or later, at least one of the boys was going to burp.  It just happens.  And then another one burped back.  And then they giggled.  And then another burp.  And more riotous giggles.  They were being boys and having such fun.   My friend and I looked at each other, recognized the harmless joy in our boys, and I said, "Well, at least it's just us in here and they aren't bothering anyone."  I'm a big believer teaching good manners, and good behavior, but also in letting children be children, and letting boys be boys.  Burping is a natural bodily function.  And somehow those bodily functions are just highly amusing to kids.  Go ahead an burp, have a little fun.  You're not hurting anyone, and it's not like we're out to dinner somewhere!

About 30 seconds after I said 'at least we're alone in here',  we hear from the other side of the post next to us: "THAT IS SO RUDE!!!  THEY SHOULD NOT BE BURPING LIKE THAT.  IT IS JUST RUDE.   I FIND IT VERY OFFENSIVE." 

Oh......crap.  Sorry, but that's what I thought.  Great, we're NOT alone in here, and now this mom is getting all huffy about it.   I mean, she was harsh.  And judgemental.  And the words coming at us just felt like venom.    So much so that, before I could form and offer an apology and explain that we had thought we were alone,  I was speechless.  I was.   I couldn't believe how harshly she was speaking to us, and assuming that she knew everything about how our boys behave ALL THE TIME, and how we've chosen to raise them.  (Now, let me just say, she had every right to be offended.  And even to ask us to get them to stop.  But it was the manner in which she was basically verbally attacking us that wasn't cool.)

In a kind voice, my friend replied with something like, "Yes, boys are like that.  Do you have any boys?"
She said: Yes, I do.  I have FIVE CHILDREN.  (With the tone, And I am a better mother than you!)

And then she continued on, and on, and on.  How it was rude.  How she doesn't allow that.  That her children are not allowed to burp.   Ever.  If they absolutely must, they have to leave the room first.  Are you kidding me?    How it is a constant battle, but she doesn't let them burp no matter what.  How she has five children, and if she can do it, then we could do it also.  As if we don't, and have never, taught our children any table manners. 

Now, as she continues to lecture us about how we should teach them manners, I have already long since quietly turned to the boys, and asked them to stop, since we are not the only ones in the playarea.  They stopped immediately, and ate the rest of their food talking quietly.  Not another burp, not even a tiny one. 

The mom is quiet for about a minute, and then starts lecturing us more on how it really is something that we should do, we should teach them table manners, and we should not let them burp, and we should this, and blah, blah, blah.  Now again, I have no problem with her feeling this way, but I do have a problem with her assuming to know how and what I've taught my children, and how and why I choose to parent them.  The venom coming from her was so awful, that I chose to not explain myself to her.  Because she wouldn't have understood anyway, that it was a choice, and a rare one for me, that we'd made to let the boys 'let loose' like that in public and just be boys and have fun.

I was so very angry at her presumptions, and her judgements, that I was shaking.  I was furious, livid, what other words can I use?  My friend even remarked to her at one point that while she felt our boys were being rude, her comments to us were feeling a bit rude as well.  She said, 'I have not said one word that has been rude to you' and then continued on with her lecture.  No, your words might not be rude in themselves, but your tone and sticking your nose into someone else's business certainly are!  Not to mention that the length of her berating us lasted for about five minutes compared to the 30 seconds of burping at the boys table.  Eventually, after she had stopped and started again about four times, I leaned around the post to face her and said, "I understand that you were offended.  But if you notice, they have long since stopped.  I would think that you could let the matter drop now."  And thankfully she did.

My friend and I tried to calm down from the adrenaline rush of being verbally attacked, and from being so angry about her presumptions about us and our boys.  We're talking about having something to blog about (hmmm... SNL could do a skit of Reba McIntyre.... 'Let's Give Them Something to Blog About...')  As wer're talking she says, laughing,  "Well, you'll have to find a way to find balance in this now you know!"

That got me thinking, and I actually calmed down and let it go pretty quickly after that.  Because I realized that I wasn't trying to please that mom.  I knew that I had taught my children table manners and good behavior.  I knew that I didn't find any harm in choosing to let them let loose for a change, since we thought we were alone.  I knew that I was sorry to have offended her, but that it was truly just an honest mistake about us being alone in the play area.  I knew that **gasp!!**, I don't think burping is that big a deal.  I knew that I wouldn't have gone back and made different choices.   I knew that I'm confident that both my friend and I are good moms. 

And so, Eureka!! I have found it!!   A tiny piece of that balance I'm seeking.  It's been percolating, and now I have the actual feeling (not just me telling myself) that I'm good enough the way I am, and that I'm a good mom, regardless of what some other mom might think. An unexpected blessing to sure!

A Simple Guide for Behavior

Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—

unless, of course, you want the same treatment. 

That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. 

It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face 

and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. 

Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' 

when your own face is distorted by contempt? 

It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, 

playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. 

Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, 

and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

Matthew 7: 1-5 The Message

May you be blessed with God's idea of good behavior :)

Percolating Practice

I've started this blog in order tell the story of my quest for balance and my journey with yoga.  You might think my choice of blog names is a little odd, and I guess it is, but it speaks to me, which is what matters.

percolate:

to become active, lively, spirited.  

to show activity, movement, or life.  

to grow or spread gradually. germinate.

prac⋅tice

to perform or do habitually or usually.

to exercise oneself by repeated performance in order to acquire skill.

All of these definitions fit perfectly what I'm trying to do, both with yoga and with seeking balance (more on that later).  'Percolating' makes me think of sitting in my grandmother's kitchen, watching her make coffee in an ancient percolator on the stovetop.  I so loved those childhood summer visits to the country, to a slower paced, oh-so-different way of life.  

And so, I chose 'percolating' for my title because I want to become active, lively, & spirited, to grow in so many ways.  To germinate (why do I love that word so much?).  In order to do this, I plan to make these efforts a habit, to exercise myself by repeated performance in order to acquire skill, not just skill with yoga, but in all the many areas I'm seeking balance.   

Here's to my Percolating Practice...  may it be a successful adventure of active, lively & spirited growth.