There is ONE Thing I Do Really Well

I can finally say that there is ONE thing I do really well.  It's not often that I say something like that to myself, but I am truly good at this one thing.  I don't feel deep down that there is a way I need to change how I do this one thing.  I don't feel like I'm just pretending to be good at it.  I've always felt I did pretty well at it, but this week I tested myself, and now I can say: I've got this one down!

What is it?

NOT over-scheduling my kids.

Underwhelmed?  No big deal, you might say.  Well, to me, to us, it is a very big deal.  We live in a time and a place where moms are toting kids from school to soccer to dance and then running to take another child to tae-kwon-do before going back to another soccer game. Whew! I'm out of breath just writing that! (Now, if that describes your life, let me just say, I AM NOT judging you.  If that works for you and your kids that's wonderful.) It doesn't work for us.  That kind of a day makes me want to cringe and hide under the covers just thinking about it.

Quite by accident, I tested myself on this skill this past week.  By a calendar mixup (my fault!),  I somehow scheduled THREE activities for my kids every day this week.  VBS 8:45-noon.  Kids Yoga Camp 2-4, and Swimming Lessons from 4:30-5:10.  Wowsers.  That is insane!  When I realized my mistake, I almost backed out of the yoga camp.  But my oldest was looking forward to it more than anything, and I just couldn't crush him by making him miss it (it's not offered again until late July).   So, I decided we could do it for just this one week.  It's the only week all summer that will be this crazy, we'll get through it.  By Monday at 3pm, I was already looking forward to Friday. 

Things I learned from this over-scheduled week:
*It's exhausting to always be hurrying to get ready for x...or y.... or z...
*There's no time for spontaneous fun like heading to the neighbors (to check out their tadpoles that have started growing legs already!)
*It's way too easy to cave in to requests for fast food, because everyone is exhausted. (I am horrified at how much we ate this week.)
*One activity is enough.   We missed getting to go swim just for fun, or riding bikes outside.
* It really doesn't feel like summer when your kids are so exhausted you have to make them go to bed at 6:20 just to make it through the next day.
*You need room for flexibility in your days! Scheduling every minute might be productive, but it's more stressful than it's worth.

Today, after a week of crazy activities, we are taking back our flexibility.  Both my guys woke up today begging to just be able to stay home.  Please?  If that isn't a sign that we were doing too much, I don't know what would be.  So, we stayed home.  No VBS.  Instead, they are snuggled up together on the couch playing a game, happy as clams.  No stress.  No hurry up and eat, so we can hurry up and get in the car, so we can hurry up and....

How do you schedule your kids?  Are you like me, and like to do a few things here and there, but leave most of your time unscheduled?  Or, do you enjoy having lots of things already planned into your days?  Whatever your style might be, if it makes you and your kids happy, do it.  If it doesn't....well, figure out a way to do things so you are!

I am thankful for the blessings 

of a week of entirely UNSCHEDULED days 

coming up next week!

Summer Plans

"What are your summer plans?"  It seems like I've been asked this daily for the last month.  We really aren't doing anything special out-of-the-ordinary.  Hanging out, swimming, VBS, enjoying each other.  Seems like nothing special, right?  But it is special.  It's oh-so-special.  It's time.  Time to enjoy each other, and count our blessings.

I ran across this poem while cleaning out my "I'm-going-to-end-up-on-that-Hoarders-TV-show" office this morning.  I think I'm going to make it my summer mantra.   Thank you, Lord,  for my two wiggly, sticky, bug-loving blessings.

A Mom's Prayer

Dear Lord, It's such a hectic day,

With little time to stop and pray,

For life's been anything but calm,

Since You called me to be a Mom.

Running errands, matching socks,

Building dreams with matching blocks,

Cooking, cleaning, finding shoes,

And other stuff that children lose,

Fitting lids on bottled bugs,

Wiping tears and giving hugs,

A stack of last week's mail to read, 

So where's the quiet time I need?

Yet, when I steal a moment, Lord,

Just at the sink or ironing board,

To ask the blessings of Your grace,

I see them, in my small one's face,

That You have blessed me

All the while~~

And I stoop to kiss 

That precious smile.

~Author Unknown~

May you be blessed this summer.

Happy & Excited Fights Sad & Sentimental

Today is the last day of school.  Hooray!  I, as much as my oldest, having been counting down to this day for a month at least!  No schedules.  No homework.  No getting up early.  No stopping in the middle of the afternoon for school pickups.  Just summer freedom and time together!  Bliss.

So, you can imagine my surprise when the tears started as I dropped him off for his last day today.   At 3:00, my baby will be a THIRD GRADER!!!  Oh my.  How did that happen?  Wasn't it just yesterday that I was fighting with him to give up his binky?  Or helping him get dressed?  Rocking him to sleep every night in my arms?

I thank GOD that my baby is still a snuggler.  That he still loves his mama and wants me there when he goes to sleep at night.  I am thankful that he's growing up to be a good, smart, kid.  I love that he's excited to do things with me, to show me things.  To share his world with me.   But I know that ALL TOO SOON, that time will end, for awhile at least. He'll be a teenager, too cool for mom who has suddenly become a huge embarrassment and who (in his mind) doesn't know or understand anything.  I am dreading that time.  It will break my heart.  But my time bonding, teaching,  and loving him now will carry me through (with a lot of prayer and help from God, I'm sure!).  And I know that we will come through it, and on the other side be close once more.  And someday, hopefully, I'll hear the words, "Mom, you were right.  I'm sorry for thinking you were such...."  Which reminds me, I need to go apologize and thank my parents again for putting up with my teenage years!

So, today,  I'm sad and sentimental.  But I'm even more happy and excited that I get the chance to spend the summer with my guy, bonding, playing, loving, and growing together.  I'm not going to let a single moment pass by... This is a summer to treasure!

May you be blessed with appreciation 

of all you've been given.  

Hold on to it.

Treasure it.

Don't let it slip away.

The Really Bad, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Okay, well I really wanted to title this
The Really Bad, Horrible, No Good, Almost No Good, Very Bad Day
but I couldn't do the strike through text, so....whatever.


I had another great weekend, but haven't been motivated to blog.  I've been enjoying life too much, which is good. I've been thinking who cares about the blog anyway, whatever.  But things were really great, besides that, and then three nights in a row of very little sleep (for various un-fun reasons) caught up with me yesterday and I crashed hard.  Headache bad enough to make me want to cry all day, asthma making it very hard to catch my breath, and I just couldn't deal.

It wasn't a fun day.  But one bright sunny spot, was a blog I read by a new friend, someone I've yet to meet for real, but she's great.  She did a post of lists of ten, and on her ten websites/blogs I visit list, she had this blog listed.  That really made my day.  And made me want to write something, and pull myself out of the funk I was in, blog-writing wise.  Thanks, JamieAnn!

Now, my day still stunk, but at least my head was in the right place a little bit!  So, as the afternoon hour approached where I needed to go pick my oldest up from school, I searched for a way to stay a little balanced in spite of how badly I felt physically.  I could either:

A) take the boys home, turn them loose with a snack and go lay down (AKA letting them destroy the house while I wasn't looking)
     -OR-
B) take them home and try to get them to do chores and homework (AKA ending up yelling at them to do what I've asked for the 9th time while they fight with each other about why it's not done)
     -OR-
C) Keep them out of the house, and entertained until dinner.

Now, I have to be honest, choice A was by far my first choice, but seeing that I had worked ALL DAY Sunday to get the house picked up and a little bit clean, I just couldn't bring myself to let it get destroyed so soon.  Choice B wasn't really even an option, because my head hurt so much.  I needed to find a way to make choice C work.  I needed to sit quietly somewhere while also keeping them entertained and out of the house until dinner.  Hmmm... how do you do that?  The park? Too bright (and it was getting ready to storm).  Indoor playarea?  Too LOUD.  Ah-HA!  We'll go to a matinee.

We went to see the 4:20 showing of Furry Vengeance.  Perfect timing.  Enough time to get our stuff from Target and head to the theater.  We got there just before the storm hit too, and although we almost got blown away trying to buy tickets, we made it in without getting soaked.

It was a brilliant choice.  While I fully expected it to be a horrible movie, the boys loved it.  Apparently, it was "slap-yourself-in-the-face-with-both-hands-funny" according to my three year old, because that's what he did at the funniest part.  My oldest loved it too, and you'd have thought he had already seen it from the way he could say what was going to happen next (from watching all the good parts on the previews, I think).  I have to admit, it was pretty bad, but I also laughed out loud more than once.  It was so bad it was funny, I guess.  But worth every penny for being able to sit still in a mostly dark room for 90 minutes with two boys who didn't argue or make any messes!  And, when we got out the storm had passed, and we literally walked in the house 5 minutes before daddy, just in time for dinner.  Total Success.

It's called making the best of a bad situation, I guess.   Finding a little balance.  Making lemonade when life gives you lemons.... 

Whatever you want to call it, 

I hope you find a little of it next time you're having 

a rough day too.

Eureka! I have found it (or at least a piece of it!)

I have a confession to make.   I am a people pleaser.  It's not really such a good thing. I've always cared too much about what people think of me, what they think of how I look, what I'm doing, how my children are acting.  Even when I knew I wasn't really doing anything 'wrong', I would often feel.... I don't know, almost ashamed?... if someone disapproved of something about me.  Or even if I just thought they disapproved.  Or might disapprove.  Kind of ridiculous now writing that down, but it's true.  It has always been one of my struggles.  I want approval.

Yesterday, as I was trying yet again to fit in a trip to pick up my new glasses, I had a conversation in my head.  And I used my nice inner voice instead of the mean, judgemental one.  "Does it really matter if you fix your hair like you're going out on a date first?  They'll still give you your glasses if you're wearing a ponytail.   Just because it's in an upscale area, do you really need to dress up first?  No.  What you're wearing is fine.  It's GOOD ENOUGH!"   So off I went in my jeans and my ponytail to pick up my new glasses.  And do you know what happened?  I walked in the door, and back out (wearing my new glasses) in about 90 seconds.  Now, wouldn't I have felt foolish, and un-necessarily stressed, if I'd spent an hour doing my hair and makeup first?   Yes.  Did the girl tell me "Oh these are fun...you look cute!" even with my ponytail and jeans?  Yes!

Today, my friend and I met at McD's for an after school play date/mommy talk.  There were quite a few people there, and our boys happily played for an hour or so before getting hungry.  By the time we got our food, the place had pretty well cleared out, and it was nice and quiet in the play area.  We sat all four of our boys down at the table next to us, and let them eat.  Well, you know sooner or later, at least one of the boys was going to burp.  It just happens.  And then another one burped back.  And then they giggled.  And then another burp.  And more riotous giggles.  They were being boys and having such fun.   My friend and I looked at each other, recognized the harmless joy in our boys, and I said, "Well, at least it's just us in here and they aren't bothering anyone."  I'm a big believer teaching good manners, and good behavior, but also in letting children be children, and letting boys be boys.  Burping is a natural bodily function.  And somehow those bodily functions are just highly amusing to kids.  Go ahead an burp, have a little fun.  You're not hurting anyone, and it's not like we're out to dinner somewhere!

About 30 seconds after I said 'at least we're alone in here',  we hear from the other side of the post next to us: "THAT IS SO RUDE!!!  THEY SHOULD NOT BE BURPING LIKE THAT.  IT IS JUST RUDE.   I FIND IT VERY OFFENSIVE." 

Oh......crap.  Sorry, but that's what I thought.  Great, we're NOT alone in here, and now this mom is getting all huffy about it.   I mean, she was harsh.  And judgemental.  And the words coming at us just felt like venom.    So much so that, before I could form and offer an apology and explain that we had thought we were alone,  I was speechless.  I was.   I couldn't believe how harshly she was speaking to us, and assuming that she knew everything about how our boys behave ALL THE TIME, and how we've chosen to raise them.  (Now, let me just say, she had every right to be offended.  And even to ask us to get them to stop.  But it was the manner in which she was basically verbally attacking us that wasn't cool.)

In a kind voice, my friend replied with something like, "Yes, boys are like that.  Do you have any boys?"
She said: Yes, I do.  I have FIVE CHILDREN.  (With the tone, And I am a better mother than you!)

And then she continued on, and on, and on.  How it was rude.  How she doesn't allow that.  That her children are not allowed to burp.   Ever.  If they absolutely must, they have to leave the room first.  Are you kidding me?    How it is a constant battle, but she doesn't let them burp no matter what.  How she has five children, and if she can do it, then we could do it also.  As if we don't, and have never, taught our children any table manners. 

Now, as she continues to lecture us about how we should teach them manners, I have already long since quietly turned to the boys, and asked them to stop, since we are not the only ones in the playarea.  They stopped immediately, and ate the rest of their food talking quietly.  Not another burp, not even a tiny one. 

The mom is quiet for about a minute, and then starts lecturing us more on how it really is something that we should do, we should teach them table manners, and we should not let them burp, and we should this, and blah, blah, blah.  Now again, I have no problem with her feeling this way, but I do have a problem with her assuming to know how and what I've taught my children, and how and why I choose to parent them.  The venom coming from her was so awful, that I chose to not explain myself to her.  Because she wouldn't have understood anyway, that it was a choice, and a rare one for me, that we'd made to let the boys 'let loose' like that in public and just be boys and have fun.

I was so very angry at her presumptions, and her judgements, that I was shaking.  I was furious, livid, what other words can I use?  My friend even remarked to her at one point that while she felt our boys were being rude, her comments to us were feeling a bit rude as well.  She said, 'I have not said one word that has been rude to you' and then continued on with her lecture.  No, your words might not be rude in themselves, but your tone and sticking your nose into someone else's business certainly are!  Not to mention that the length of her berating us lasted for about five minutes compared to the 30 seconds of burping at the boys table.  Eventually, after she had stopped and started again about four times, I leaned around the post to face her and said, "I understand that you were offended.  But if you notice, they have long since stopped.  I would think that you could let the matter drop now."  And thankfully she did.

My friend and I tried to calm down from the adrenaline rush of being verbally attacked, and from being so angry about her presumptions about us and our boys.  We're talking about having something to blog about (hmmm... SNL could do a skit of Reba McIntyre.... 'Let's Give Them Something to Blog About...')  As wer're talking she says, laughing,  "Well, you'll have to find a way to find balance in this now you know!"

That got me thinking, and I actually calmed down and let it go pretty quickly after that.  Because I realized that I wasn't trying to please that mom.  I knew that I had taught my children table manners and good behavior.  I knew that I didn't find any harm in choosing to let them let loose for a change, since we thought we were alone.  I knew that I was sorry to have offended her, but that it was truly just an honest mistake about us being alone in the play area.  I knew that **gasp!!**, I don't think burping is that big a deal.  I knew that I wouldn't have gone back and made different choices.   I knew that I'm confident that both my friend and I are good moms. 

And so, Eureka!! I have found it!!   A tiny piece of that balance I'm seeking.  It's been percolating, and now I have the actual feeling (not just me telling myself) that I'm good enough the way I am, and that I'm a good mom, regardless of what some other mom might think. An unexpected blessing to sure!

A Simple Guide for Behavior

Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—

unless, of course, you want the same treatment. 

That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. 

It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face 

and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. 

Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' 

when your own face is distorted by contempt? 

It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, 

playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. 

Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, 

and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

Matthew 7: 1-5 The Message

May you be blessed with God's idea of good behavior :)

Math Night...It was a good lesson!

Today was a great day, and I spent a lot of it looking forward to getting to yoga class tonight.  I've had more than two weeks of classes now, and I love them.   All of them, doesn't matter which class or instructor.   I hate having to miss several days in a row though.  This has happened when I can't get there on Fridays, sleep in and miss Saturday mornings, and then also miss Sunday because of the Super Bowl and Valentines Day.  I can really feel it.  I am tight and sore.  I want to go to yoga!!  I managed 40 minutes at home last night, but without the heated room, it's just not the same.  Today, however, there is a class late enough that I can make it after the hubby is home from work.  Hooray!  Yoga tonight!


I picked the boys up from school, looking forward to yoga tonight, and headed to McD's playland.  We've got a now standing date with some good friends to play and socialize after school.  It's great for the boys, it's great for us as moms too.  Everyone is happy, and we're out of the house not making a mess.  It's a win-win blessing all around.


We stayed at the playland until the dinner chaos started, then headed home.  Yea!  Yoga tonight!  I can't wait!  We headed in the house for a few minutes to clean out lunch boxes, empty papers out of folders, and put away backpacks.  Then we headed out the door to the school's Family Math & Science Night from 6 to 7.   Last thing to do before yoga!  Yea! 


We got to the school right at 6, because I need to leave for yoga at 7!,  and headed down to the hall where my oldest's grade level had set up four rooms of math and science activities.   We started out building and measuring a paper snowman, and by 6:10, I was already thinking, Hurry up! We're never going to get through all this so I can go to yoga.  I found myself telling that voice to relax,  it will all work out.  This is making my boys happy, that's what matters.  A minute or two later.... Arrgghh!!  How many buttons do  you need to color on that snowman!  Come on!!  Let's move on!  I want to go to yoga tonight!!!  I found myself secretly hoping for the huge crowd and crazy chaos that we faced at last year's Math Night.  Maybe we'll get to leave early because it will just be too crowded and hard to do anything....so I can go to yoga!

Then, I overheard the mom next to me telling her daughter how to measure her snowman correctly.  No, not like that, like this... to the quarter inch!  No, the quarter inch... 1 and 1/4.  One quarter.  One and one quarter.  Yes, but don't make the one so big.  Do it like this....   And I thought to myself, wow, this is supposed to be fun.  They're only supposed to measure to the nearest inch, why all the extra pressure?  No grades here, does it really matter if her 1/4 is a little lopsided? Does she even need to write 1/4 for that matter?  Just let her have fun with it.  And then it hit me.  In my head, I'm just as bad as that.  I'm the fun-hater.  Hurry up and color those buttons, because I want to go to yoga!  I wasn't being in the moment and accepting the glory of it as it is RIGHT NOW.  Right now, I'm being a mom to two great little boys.  We're supposed to be having fun together, and instead of being present, I'm worrying about yoga later.   


So I let go of yoga, and decided if it happens, great, and if not, then that's great too.  I'm going to be present now, have fun, and enjoy my boys.  And to quote my oldest,  "It...was.....Awe----SOME!!"

Mentally adding 9+8+12+4+5....

and he got it right! 

 We measured, we added, we glued, and then there was this awesome goopy stuff with cornstarch at the end.   And not once did I again think hurry up, or let's go, or but I want to go to yoga!

 

My boys mixing up the goop

That was FUN!  This cornstarch goopy stuff?  Way-cool.  It's part liquid, part solid.  You roll it into a ball in your hand, and then when you let go it turns back to liquid and oozes through your fingers.  My boys wouldn't touch it.  "Eeeww..... gross... I'm not touching that stuff!"    They were fascinated watching me play with it, and let me just say, they missed out on the fun!  I could have played with that stuff for quite awhile.  Very fun.  Actually quite stress-relieving too.   And it was such a blessing to gross them out! 


I'm so glad that I let go of the yoga and just had fun with my boys.   They couldn't stop saying how awesome it was on the way home.  "It was Awe---SOME!!  (I wish I could type that sing song voice....) Today was the best day ever!"  They felt love and joy because I let go of what I wanted and focused on enjoying and loving them instead.  I was not giving up and self-sacrificing and then resenting, but changing my priority, and then enjoying it.   And I am so thankful for that lesson!

A true blessing and all because I didn't get my way!

 

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.  Ephesians 5:1-2 (The Message)

May you love and be loved as God loves us, and may you be blessed by not getting your way!