I want that shirt

You know those really witty T shirts that you see here and there?
I want one that says:

Jesus is my guru. 

Now wait!!  Stick with me here.  I'm serious about this.  I'm not making fun of new age-y yoga types.   I get a lot of 'you're wacky/nutty/slightly crazy' for my love of yoga,  but hang with me, at least for this post.

I've been studying the 'stuff' behind yoga, to learn more and how it meshes with my personal religious beliefs.  What I've found has been both very encouraging and inspiring, and all that I have learned follows along the same lines as how the bible teaches us to behave.  It's very interesting.  Especially since yoga is very ancient wisdom, older than the bible.

One of the things in this book I'm reading started talking about "how to choose a guru".  Not in those words, but that was the idea.  Uh-oh, I thought.  Here's where it gets a little wonky and I'm going to have issues.  To me, "guru" is some wacky person followed blindly by another even wackier nut-ball.  But I kept reading, and this is what I found:

~A guru is a spiritual teacher...a teacher of truth.
~Guru has two parts- 'Gu' means 'stuff which hides our true light' and 'ru' which means 'the thing(person) that removes the stuff hiding our true light'.  
~A spiritual guru must live what he teaches, because power comes from that truth
~It is not always necessary for the guru/teacher to be physically present, or even in physical form to teach us.

Hmmm...something to think about.  A guru is a teacher who lives by example.  Who was the ultimate teacher?  Jesus.  Did he live by example?  To his very last breath, literally.  Can he remove our "stuff" (a.k.a. sin) and let our light shine?  Isn't that why he came? 

JESUS is my guru.

Jesus says: "I am the way and the truth and the life." ~ John 14:6

The bible says, "Make your light shine, so that others will see the good that you do and will praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16  I like the way the Message puts it even better: "Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept."   Isn't that a wonderful image?  'Bringing out the God-colors in the world.'  Love that.

Finally, Jesus said to the disciples: "I want you to open their eyes, so that they will turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God."   If that doesn't fit the definition of a guru, then I don't know what does.

Jesus was always telling people to think differently.  I don't know if making a witty t-shirt was what he had in mind, but he knows where my heart is.

Well, Golly & Gosh, Maybe it's True...

"If you think you can do it, or you think you can’t do it, you are right.”
– Henry Ford

I stumbled across this quote yesterday, and it made me realize that deep down, I've had the thought that this little blog couldn't or wouldn't really make any difference for anyone but me.  My purpose for writing was to help myself embrace life and find balance, and if it helps someone else along the way, then wonderful, I thought.  But deep, deep down, my heart was also thinking, "BUT IT WON'T.  It's just not gonna touch anyone else. You're not important enough, or....[insert whatever negative thing comes to mind here]". 

But now I've been loved ambushed.  And my heart has changed from thinking "This won't matter to anyone" into... "Maybe something I post here will be just exactly what someone else needs to hear."

So, here's to hoping praying that this practice of mine will bless others in any small number of ways.  I'll be putting "feet to my faith" and trying to be a blessing more often.  I hope you'll come back and visit soon!

Have a very BLESSED weekend.

-Shell

In Memory

To My Dear, Dear Friend,

I wish today could just be a happy day to celebrate my little one's 4th birthday.
I wish it wasn't also the day we lost you eleven years ago.
I wish my heart didn't break at the memory of seeing the grief on R's face.
I wish your beautiful daughter had you to hug and to hold, her necklace with your picture is a poor substitute.
I wish your son had been given the chance to get to know and remember you.
I wish you had been here to go to my wedding, and become my sister-in-love.
I wish it were all a bad dream.
I wish I couldn't remember the song that was playing on the radio as I drove home to find out what had gone horribly wrong.
I wish your mama's heart wasn't forever broken.

I hope, up in heaven, you know how much you are still loved and remembered.
I hope you can see how much fun our boys (they're cousins, isn't that awesome?!!) have together.
I hope you smile, and your heart melts like mine does, when you see how they've become best friends too.
I hope you're proud of the beautiful, kind daughter you have.  She rocks.
I hope you know that I hate not having you here to celebrate milestones ahead of me!
I hope you can see how awesome your kids are, and how well they are doing.
I hope you know how thankful I am that you introduced me to my hubby. 
I hope you know that you are deeply missed.
I hope you are at peace.

 I wish you were here.

All my love,
Shell

Putting Feet To Our Faith

Children, you show love for others by truly helping them, and not merely by talking about it.  

1 John 3:18 (Contemporary English Version)

 
Last week, my wonderful friend, SomeGirl, took part in TOMS One Day Without Shoes campaign. They spent the day barefoot, donated shoes to Soles4Souls, and prayed for people around the world who have no shoes.   If you're ever looking for encouragement,  or happy, positive posts to read, stop by SomeGirlsWebsite and check it out.  It's about love and good deeds.  The world needs more of that love to counteract the stuff we see on the news all the time.  SomeGirl is encouraging us to do good deeds, Love One Another,  and put feet to our faith.  Not just have faith and believe.  But do something good with it. 

My way of putting feet to my faith started last December.  Leading up to Christmas, my church took part in the Advent Conspiracy.  (Advent is the season of waiting, leading up to Christmas, just in case you were wondering...)  AC is about giving presence, not presents.  It's about giving something that matters, instead of so many material things. (Don't get me wrong, we still do presents too).  To do the Advent Conspiracy is to:

Worship Fully.

Spend LESS.

GIVE more.

Love ALL.

We saved money, collected coins, and at the end, donated what we had collected to build clean water wells for villages in Africa. Our church donated to Marion Medical Mission, whose effort is aimed at preventing medical problems through providing clean drinking water.  They have a program where they help villages build shallow wells that are sealed against surface pollution.  It only takes about $350 to build a well for 100-300 people.  That's not even a dollar a day.  How many of us spend more than that just at a drive-thru, or on junk food, or candy, or some other not-necessary-for-survival treat?

I was really sad at the end of the Advent Conspiracy that I didn't have much to give.  No where nearly enough to donate a full well.  Because I had bargain shopped for Christmas presents in January, most of the shopping was already done.  But I gave what we could, and kept thinking about it.  By the time January 1st had rolled around, I had hatched an uber-complicated plan.  We would keep doing AC all year!  Thankful for the clean water I had to drink from my tap, my fridge, and in bottles, I decided to donate a dollar to my AC fund for every lazy bottled water I drank.  Ashamed by how often we drove lazily thru a drive-thru, while others walked miles a day, just to find clean water, I decided to tax myself five dollars for every drive thru visit.  I had this grand plan about saving money for a good cause, losing weight at the same time, becoming more aware of my actions.  I even pictured myself proudly telling everyone next Christmas what a great job I'd done with this all year AC plan.  Well, I never had dollar bills to put into the collection box I'd designated for this plan.  I had to start adding them up in my head, and then plan to go to the ATM to get cash out to put in the box.   Never happened.  Way too complicated.  I finally decided that I WAS THE ONE putting all these stupid, complicated rules in place.  I COULD CHANGE and simplify the plan!  Duh.

Now, I no longer have plans to show off and brag about my success at the end of the year.  That's not the point of all this, and I'm glad I realized that.  I'm still dedicated to saving/giving money for the a water well.  But I'm just putting in a dollar a day.  A dollar a day can buy a well by next Christmas.  Putting in $30 at the beginning of the month is easy enough.  I can give 100-300 people a Christmas gift that will give back to them every day.  A gift that will keep them from getting sick.  A gift that will show them God's love in the world.

How are you putting feet to your faith?  

What good deeds do you do?  

SomeGirl and I would both love to hear about it!

Happy Monday!

Happy Monday!  Just logged in to do a quick post, and I see that I'm up to 5 followers!  Woo-hoo!  Thanks to all of you, whether or not you hit the follow button or subscribe ( I have no idea how to know about who is doing that), or if you just stop by once in awhile.   Please take just a second, really, just a second, and CLICK HERE for something I really want you to know.  Then come on back and finish this post if you're up for it.


So, now that you know how glad I am to have you here, here's the next Monday Morning Staff Meeting.
First, the roundup from last week, then I'll tell you about my big lesson for the week:

Go somewhere new.  We went to two new parks and found some cool play areas.
Read something.  We read several new books from our awesome re-opened library.
Explore something.  We were going to explore the new library, but someone got sick, so we had to postpone.
Build something.  We built more onto the tree fort with daddy.  Okay, so I just watched, but  3 out of 4 family members helped, so I say that counts. :)
Clean something.  Hmm.... cleaned A LOT.  Some major stuff, some daily stuff.  My house looks so much better now, and I just want to do more!  (See mom, you were right.  Eventually I grew out of the messy stage.  It just took 38 years... )
Grow something. Managed to keep my flat of Impatiens seedlings alive for another week.
Cook something.  Didn't do any new recipes, but still cooked, so that's good enough.
Plant something. Planted some stuff along our new path to SomeGirl's house.
Investigate/Scout something.  Saved for next week, due to sickness.  

So, what was the big lesson from the week, I'm sure you're dying to know?  Well, you may or may not know that I guest posted over here last week for Fraddling Friday.  I spent the week thinking about how I was fraddling.  Fraddle is doing something someone else loves because they love it, and you love them.  Because I was thinking about it all week for that Friday post, I spent a lot of time thinking about something I wasn't looking forward to doing.  And I started telling myself to think about it with a different attitude.  I started telling myself, "Be thankful, not resentful."  I started saying it to myself in my head, Be THANKFUL, not resentful.   I am THANKFUL, not resentful.  And then I started to be thankful for it.  Thankful for the chance to do something that would really make the day of someone I love.  Thankful to be able to do that thing.  Thankful for the chance to share that thing with the person I love.  And I stopped resenting it.  The result was that I wasn't stressed out and resenting that thing the whole time, and instead had a nice day.  

There are two quotes that I really like about attitude.  The first, is by Winston Churchill who said, “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”  He was so right.   The other, is from Francesca Reigler, who said, 

 "Happiness is an attitude. 

We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. 

The amount of work is the same.”

 

My to do list for this week is going to stay simple.  Just two things, really.  

1. Spend time enjoying my sister and her family visiting.

2. Be positive about things, even things I don't like, and choose happiness over misery.  (That pretty much covers everything, if you think about it...)

 

I am choosing to be happy and strong.  How about you?  Is there something you could change your attitude about and make life happier for yourself this week? Leave me a comment and let me know.  I'd love to hear from you!

May you be blessed with a positive attitude, and the ability to see the bright side of things this week.

A Sunbeam to Warm You

St. Patrick's Day is has always been a special day for me, being part Irish.  There is a part of me that has always been fascinated by stories of Ireland, and the lush green country there.  Someday, I hope to go visit and explore it myself.  

In college, I met my future husband on St. Patrick's day.  So, in honor of the sixteenth anniversary of the day we first met, I've decided to share a traditional Irish blessing with you.

 May God grant you always...

A sunbeam to warm you, 

A moonbeam to charm you, 

A sheltering Angel so nothing can harm you. 

Laughter to cheer you. 

Faithful friends near you. 

And whenever you pray, 

Heaven to hear you.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!! 

 

May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back.  May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields.  And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

It's an O.F.F. Day

I've declared Fridays to be 'O.F.F.' days.  That's short for Official Fraddling Fridays.

If you're new to fraddling, it simply means doing something for someone because they love it and you love them. It doesn't have to be complicated.  It could be as simple as letting the boys throw rocks in mud puddles.  (Is there anything more joyful for a little boy then mud?)  I think of fraddling as being present, being intentional, showing love, and spreading joy.  Check out SomeGirlsWebsite for more from the creator of Fraddling.

So, Fridays are now reserved, as much as possible, for Fraddle.  I'm aiming to get as much work done Monday-Thursday as I can, so that I can simply have fun fraddling on Fridays.  Maybe your schedule can't take a whole day for Fraddle.  But you can find time somewhere this week to show your love and give someone joy. 

It's easy.  It's fun.  And it's oh-so-rewarding.  You should try it!

May you find ways to bless someone

(and in the process be blessed yourself) 

with fraddle this week.

Simple Joys

Do you ever take the time to look at the world through a child's eyes? To really think about the world the way they think about it?  Besides seeing everything from a much lower elevation, children have a really unique and simple way of looking at the world.   For them, everything is black or white, it's right or it's wrong, and it's all about justice and fairness.  Children are free, they love to help people, and the littlest thing can be the biggest adventure.

Children are simple.  Not easy, but simple.  Do what's right.  Be fair.  Show love.  See the world as the big adventure it is.   Pretty good advice, right?  So, how do we put that advice into practice? Good question.  It's something I'll be mulling over this week to be sure.

The song below is one of the few things that I actively recall learning in college.  Probably from the trauma of having to SING it for a grade in my musical education class.  (I can't carry a tune to save my life...).  But, I think that it's also probably the message in the song that's kept it in my brain for the last 15+ years.

"Simple Gifts" was written by Elder Joseph while he was at the Shaker community in Alfred, Maine in 1848. These are the lyrics to his one-verse song:

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,

'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right,

'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,

To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come round right.

May you be blessed with the gifts of simplicity and freedom this week.

Mama, You've Got My Support Too

I've been thinking a lot this weekend about this new mama that is a good friend of a friend.  I don't want to use her real name here, because I don't really know her well, so I'll call her Brielle (it's a Modern English name meaning strength of God...kind of pretty, don't you think?).   Anyway, Brielle is a new mama.  She just brought home her new adopted daughter.  Now, she's not a brand new mama, in the sense that this isn't her first child, but she's a new mama in that she's just brought her precious baby home.


This precious baby daughter is also the sister of Brielle's other adopted daughter.  What a blessing, right?  To be able to not only love and care for and rejoice in the blessing of a new child, but to also be able to keep two biological sisters together.  I had heard that Brielle was hoping for this to happen.  And I was overjoyed to hear that she'd been blessed in this way.


It has been a tough year for Brielle.  She lost her mother this year, unexpectedly, I believe.  She's had to deal with learning to live without that support and love.  I haven't had to experience that yet, so I can only imagine her grief. And even though I can't really comprehend what that's like, my heart goes out to her.  I was glad to hear that the new baby was here, to bring her some much deserved love and joy.


Then, I heard the bad news.  Unfortunately, not everyone in Brielle's life is happy about the new baby.  Isn't that sad?  A new life, new joy, everyone should be filled with happiness and excitement, not planning an intervention to tell Brielle....whatever they think is wrong with it I guess.  I can't even imagine how someone could say there is something wrong with taking in and loving a helpless little newborn.  That it could in any way be wrong to bring your daughter's sister into your family.  I just can't comprehend it.


I'm sure her loved ones mean well.  Maybe their concerns stem from the loss of her mother, or maybe they come from the fact that Brielle has more than the average family of two adults and two kids. Sometimes I look at families with more than two kids and think, "Wow.  How do they DO that?".  I know that people sometimes look at these families as if there is something 'wrong' or 'crazy' with having more than the average number of kids.

Here is what I have to say to that:  I have chosen the two kids and two parents route.  It's right for us, although I wouldn't necessarily mind having more kids.  It's just that I don't have the will to go through all the paperwork to adopt, and I am positive that my body couldn't handle the hormone ride of pregnancy again. (I lost most of my mind the first two times, never really got it back, and I might just come out a vegetable if I went through it again...LOL).  But I can't help but look at my two boys, and feel all the blessings and joy that come from them, and wonder if I'm not the crazy one for not having more.  Who would turn down an abundance of joy and blessings?  No thanks, I've got enough.  Don't give me any more good stuff.  Doesn't sound very smart, now does it?


So, although none of this is any of my business, I just want to say to Brielle, "Mama, you've got my support."   I'm on your side, and I'm praying for you and this wonderful new addition to your family.  I'm praying for you to stay strong, to be filled with joy and happiness, and to cast away any doubts that might come your way.   I pray for that intervention to turn the tables on your loved ones, and become an intervention for them, so that they might better understand your heart and support you.  Most of all, I pray that you are all able to get on the same page, a family in harmony and at peace.

May God give you...

For every storm a rainbow, 

for every tear a smile,

for every care a promise 

and a blessing in each trial. 

For every problem life sends, 

a faithful friend to share,

for every sigh a sweet song 

and an answer for each prayer.

Yoga as Worship

I started this blog to have a way to see my progress, both with looking for balance, and yoga.  Mostly for yoga though.  I wanted to have a way to look back and see how far I'd come, and how it had helped.  I know it will help, simply because of how wonderful and refreshed I feel after a class.  Not so much during class, because it kicks my out-of-shape butt, but at the end, and after.... I feel A-maz-ing.  Just incredible.  The feeling usually lasts all day.

Now, notice I say I started out with those intentions.  But, clearly, this has become equally, if not more, about my search for balance and my relationship with God.  Because here, I can write the things I'm too afraid to say out loud to people, as wrong as that may be.  And I'm realizing how much I need this outlet for that side of me!

However, I don't actually see the two things, God and yoga, as separate, or opposing, or whatever the rest of the world may think.  I have always been a person who doesn't feel very connected to God in church.  I know, I know.  How can I say that?  Well, hang on and let me explain before you decide to stone me.  Church is okay.  I learn from it.  I'm uplifted by it.  But it's not where I feel closest to God.  I have always felt closest to God when I am out in nature.  Out in His Creation, I see the miracles of all He created, all around me.  I see his touch in the leaves on the trees, hear it in the wind, smell it in the flowers, admire it in the sunset.  That is where I feel connected to Him.

When my oldest was around two, we were out in LA with my parents, visiting my brother.  Mom and Dad went out to dinner with some friends, and I decided to hang back at the condo with my little one.  We ended up walking down to sit on the beach and watch the sunset.  It was a wonderful evening.  Quiet and peaceful. As we walked down to the beach, I remember thinking how I wished that there were shells to collect on the beaches, like there are in Galveston.  It's one of my favorite things to do...look for pretty shells on the beach.  But there just aren't any on the California beaches usually.

At this time in my life, I was just starting to come back to my faith after a long, long, LONG period of doubt.  I mean, a really long time.  As my little one and I found our way onto the beach, we saw that it was just covered with dozens and dozens of shiny, smooth, black stones.  I'd never seen anything like them on any beach.   They were beautiful.  So we sat together on the sand, and watched the waves and the sunset, and collected these really cool rocks.  And as I watched my son dig in the sand with the sun setting behind him, I felt so connected to God.  So in tune with Him.  So believing in Him!  It was a somewhat surprising but oh-so-joyful feeling.   And I was so grateful for every moment.  It's one of those times that I can recall with such clarity, that the joy comes right back along with the memory.  We took home a small pocketful of those rocks to remember the evening.

The next day, we went back down to the beach again, hoping to walk and collect a few more rocks.  There was not a single one on the beach, anywhere.  They were completely gone.  If I hadn't saved a few the night before, I might have thought I'd imagined them.  And I can't help but feel that God put those rocks there just for me.  Call me crazy if you want, but He totally used that evening to get through to me again.  And I finally listened!

So this is why I say I don't feel closest to him in church.  Church is good.  But nature is better.  His creation is better.  And now, I've realized that yoga is another way for me to feel closer to Him, and thankful, and aware.  There is no one else in between us. No pastor. ( I love Pastor Mike!)  No choir ( I love our choir!) No having to greet and say hello to dozens of people (who are all very nice, but did I mention I'm an introvert, and I mean INTRO-vert, and that really just drains me?).    In nature, and during yoga, it's just me and God.   Period.  Me being thankful to Him.  Him filling me with peace, love, strength, hope, or whatever I need most that day.

When I started to write this post, I thought it would be about how yoga doesn't have to be new age, or Hindu, doesn't have to be anti-christian.  And I did a little research on the web, and yikes!   There are some preachy and judgemental people out there!  Wow!  You "christians" are the ones who drove me into that long, long, long period of doubt.  Because it was a long time before I learned that God and religion are NOT the same thing.  Religion is what man brings to it, however he might choose to twist it to fit his own....whatever.  I'm not going there.  I hate religion.  I love God.  And if it comes down to a choice, I'm going to ask myself everytime what would God & Jesus say or do over what do humans and religions say to do.

Jesus was always freaking people out.  Doing things that "weren't allowed".   Hanging out with tax collectors and prostitutes.  Maybe in 2010 he'd be hanging out at the yoga studio, who knows?  I do know that he wouldn't be worried about what people were saying he should or shouldn't do.   He'd be worried about what was in my heart.   He wouldn't see yoga as me in worship of myself (because trust me, when I see myself in the mirror I'm not going to worship that image!)  but instead he would see in my heart that I am in awe and worship and awareness of Him.  He would know that I am acknowledging that I can't do it all on my own, and I need Him.  He would know that I am thankful for every cell of my body that is able to practice these crazy poses, thankful for getting a tiny bit better each time, thankful for the good health I have, thankful for the chance to be still. 

"Be still, and know that I am God."  

Psalm 46:10.  

That has got to be my favorite verse in the bible.  So powerful.  So difficult to do.

Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart

1 Samuel 16:7

So, yes, for me, yoga IS worship. And I know He knows what's in my heart, so I'm okay with saying that. It is my chance to spend 90 minutes taking care of the body God has blessed me with, and also being still and loving Him.    

In the words of Jesus:

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. 

Matthew 5:8

Do you know what? There are a few times, when I've had a really, really good practice, really focused the whole time on being still, and being aware of Him, when at the end, I felt as connected to him as I did that night on the beach.   I can feel His peace and love.  It's incredible. It's joyful.  It's priceless.

Joyful Thanksgiving.   Is there any other workout that can leave you filled with that feeling?  That's a workout I can keep doing.  That I actually look forward to doing.

May you be blessed by the stillness and quiet, 
so that you might have a chance to practice 'knowing God'.

The Recipe for Balance

 

More signs of hope for spring!  I've had several little crocus bulbs poking their heads up despite the cold, cloudy, dreary, yucky, miserable, will-it-ever-be-over-and-warm-up-again weather!  

They make me smile, 

make me happy, 

make me hopeful.

The pictures above and below are how they looked this morning:

Then, this afternoon, the sun came out and hope bloomed:

Those are the same two flowers, both photographs taken today.  Amazing what a little time, and hope (and sun!) can do to change the way things look!

They may be hiding in the leaves, Mother Nature's version of I Spy or Where's Waldo, but they are there if you are just willing to look.  Hope is always there, if you're just willing to look and to believe. It may still be waiting beneath the soil for the right time to pop up and bloom, but it is there.  Embrace hope.  Do not get discouraged.   Be hopeful.

 

Several months ago, when I first started to redecorate and clean out my pit of an office, I hung up a large cross on the wall.  In the middle, there is a circle with the word HOPE inscribed upon it.  My husband looked at it, and said, "What do you need hope for?"  And I looked at him, and thought "What do I not need hope for?"  I need hope that I can achieve all the things on this huge 'to-do' list that I've given myself.  I need hope that I can get myself (and my life in general) balanced out and happy.  That I can finally get this stupid office cleaned out!  Now, this pit of an office is no exaggeration.  It has been overflowing with stuff since before we moved to Texas.  In Oklahoma, the room was about 1/2 the size, but we had two computer desks, my husband's drum set and music gear, his electronics junk,  and all of the office bookkeeping/paperwork crammed in that little room.  It was not the least bit organized.   When we moved, the office got bigger, but it also became the dumping ground for whatever hadn't been unpacked yet.  Or stuff that we didn't know where to put yet, or.....whatever we didn't want people to see and trip over.  Throw it in the office and close the door.  Two and a half years later, I finally decided enough was enough.  I'm going to get that office cleaned out and organized if it kills me!  I'm working on it.  And it's slow going.  But I'm thinking about it from a more balanced perspective.... a little, plus a little, plus a little more, will eventually end up with the office/retreat that I have in my head.  I will get there.   I have hope!  

It's a little bit like yoga.  I can't do half the poses.  I can't balance on one foot with my fingers wrapped around my big toe and my leg out straight in front of me.  Heck, I can barely balance on one leg!  But every time I practice, I get just a little bit closer to my goal.  And it's okay to be working on it.  To be practicing.  I'm giving myself permission to not be perfect all at once, but to let it be a process, a journey.  Toward balance, not perfection. 

I put that cross up on the wall of my unfinished office, to remind myself that I'm not on this journey alone.  

I pray that God, who gives hope, will bless you with complete happiness and peace 

because of your faith. And may the power of the Holy Spirit fill you with hope. 

Romans 15:13 

Contemporary English Version

Last week, my husband said to me, "When you finally get that office finished, you know you will have reached the end of your quest."  Well, what he said was better than that, but I can't remember the exact words he used.  They were both funny and so true.   And he's right.  That office is the symbol of my quest for balance.  And I am definitely still searching!  

For now there are faith,

   hope, and love.

   But of these three,

   the greatest is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13 

Contemporary English Version

Sounds like a great recipe for balance to me.  A little faith, a little hope, and a little love.  I'll have to keep that mantra in my head!

May you be blessed with faith, hope, & love, 

and maybe even a tiny bit of balance!

Reflections

On this day of your life, God wants you to know ... that to love is to be vulnerable.
   
Love is the opening of the heart, the welcoming of your beloved. Loving is not secure, authentic loving is risky. Security lies behind the walls of a closed heart. You either invite the union by opening in love, or you secure the isolation by closing down.

I read that this morning, kind of shrugged, and thought, Well, that doesn't really apply.   I love and am loved by my boys, my husband, my family, my friends.  I'm already open and taking that risk.  Then God poked me in the back, tapped me on the shoulder, whispered in my ear...  (Wait,  I am not a crazy person.  I don't mean He actually poked me or any of that.  I didn't actually hear a voice.  But it was the same as if I had...)
So, I'm sitting there, almost smirking to myself about how I've already got this one handled, and then... Bam!  Gibbs Slap to the head.... (Come on, you watch NCIS don't you?  Mark Harmon rocks!)  Anyway, I get this mental slap-to-the-back-of-the-head and the not exactly whispered.... "What about Me?" 

As usual, He's right, and I'm wrong. 
Do I love God?  Yes!
Do I go to worship? Yes! 
Do I pray regularly? Yes!
Do I try to go about my daily life as I think He might want me to? Yes.
Do I participate in handbells and other groups at church?  Yes.
Do I read and study and reflect?  Yes. 
Is my heart completely open and fully taking the risk of loving and being loved by Him?  No.


That's a little shocking isn't it?  It's my secret (not-so-secret now...) confession.  I am still afraid.  I am still worried about offending people who might not agree with me.  I am still worried that people will think I'm 'one of those religious nuts'.  I am not comfortable talking to people about God, or telling them that I will pray for them.   I am worried about being judged.  I still isolate myself from God, even though I know that He is always with me, always supporting me, always loving me.  Sad, right?

I had a friend ask me the other day if I had given up anything for Lent, or if that was just something Catholics do.  And I couldn't say it.  I wrote out this beautiful post about it, obviously have it well thought out and am doing it everyday, but I couldn't say it.  I was afraid.  And then I was ashamed at not taking the awesome opportunity to share with her.   So I tried to start telling her, but it just came out a jumbled mess that didn't make much sense.  I wasn't comfortable talking about how I look at it as giving up something that separates us from God. That was just too risky.  And because I haven't let my heart truly, fully open, I lost a perfect opportunity to share God's love.  Shame on me.

God, make a fresh start in me,
      shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
   Don't throw me out with the trash,
      or fail to breathe holiness in me.
   Bring me back from gray exile,
      put a fresh wind in my sails!
   Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
      so the lost can find their way home.
   Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
      and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
   Unbutton my lips, dear God;
      I'll let loose with your praise. 

Psalm 51:10-13 (The Message)

 

Something I need to, and will be,  working on, to be sure.  It's just not something you ignore when you're head slapped and told 'snap out of it' by the real 'boss'.  So this is me, saying, "Yes, Boss!" May God help me to unbutton my lips and my heart, so I can sing His praises and share His love.

May you be blessed with a fully open heart, 

and filled to overflowing with His love.

It's not all about me

I wrote before about how we were going to Great Wolf Lodge to celebrate my oldest's upcoming birthday.   Not my personal idea of fun, but lots of fun for a mom to watch her boys have such a great time.  And I even learned a few things while we were there.

My youngest fell in love with these wave runners that were glued to the floor on the little kids area of the waterpark.  He pretty much just wanted to sit on them and shoot water at people the whole time if he wasn't floating in the lazy river.  He told me they weren't shooting water out of their squirters, but that they were squirting out cheese.  Both days he told me this.  I envisioned him riding a giant can of spray cheese, but it quickly got boring to just stand there and watch him squirt water cheese for an hour.   So I did a little yoga.  I kid you not.  In one of my classes last week, the teacher had us squatting on our toes.  It's supposed to be good for the soles of your feet.  And she said that if it's really torture for your feet to do this (like it is for mine), that you should try to do it a least once or twice a day for a couple of breaths.  So I toe-squatted next to the cheese rider.  And I tried to just be in the moment and appreciate how much fun he was having, instead of thinking about how bored I was.  He was so happy to be there doing that while the older ones rode the bigger rides, and all I had to do was just stand squat and watch. 

Later, we made a second trip to the arcade.  Nana generously gave each of the boys money for more tokens, so they all headed off to find their favorites from the first visit.  Nick's was one of those claw machines that picks up candy, and if you miss, you get to try again.  Perfect for a three year old.  Success on every try.  He was in heaven.   I, however, was bored again.  And I was worrying about him running out of tokens.  And not getting any tickets. And not getting to play any of the other games.   Until I remembered how happy the wave cheese rider had made him, and realized this was exactly the same.  They were his tokens, so if this made him happy, so be it.  Again, I let go of what I wanted, handed him token after token, held out the bag for him to put his candy into, and just enjoyed watching him have fun.  In his eyes, it was absolutely perfect, and he wouldn't have changed a thing.  All my worrying was for nothing (as it usually is...).


Finally, once we had made it back home and were doing the bedtime thing, I was once again ready to be done and move on.  I laid in their room with the boys, waiting for them to go to sleep, silently wishing they would hurry up.  Then I thought of just trying to be present in the moment again.  I thought how blessed I am to have two healthy little boys to love.  And then I thought of three mothers I know,  who would have given anything to be in that same situation I was wishing to hurry along.   A good friend whose son is very sick and in the hospital again for surgery.  A mom who is planning a pancake fundraiser to honor the little girl she lost to cancer, instead of snuggling with her in bed.  A mom who lost a son to cancer, and would give anything just to kiss him goodnight and tell him she loves him, even if he were asleep. They wouldn't be wishing to hurry the moment along.  They would be wishing for it to never end.

And it hit me.  Or God whispered.  Or whatever....  It's not all about me!  Duh.  I really don't think I'm that self-centered, but I definitely needed the reminder that it's not all about ME.  It's all about showing love, spreading joy, to those we love.  Even showing love, God's love, to people we don't know.

Imagine that.  It's not all about me.

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, 

I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

 "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least 

of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

 Matthew 25:35-40 (New International Version)

 May you be blessed by showing love and 

spreading joy to someone else.

To Glow in the Darkness

The last couple of years, I attended the Ash Wednesday service at my church.  It was a service that I had never gone to before, and really didn't understand, but I'm in the handbell choir, and we were playing during the service, so there I was.  It ended up being one of the most powerful services I've ever attended.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  

First, what on earth is Ash Wednesday anyway?  That was the question I was thinking in my head, but too embarrassed to ask.  I'd heard of 'giving up for Lent' but never really understood it, or the reasons behind it.  I had absolutely no idea of how Ash Wednesday related to any of that either.

Ash Wednesday is the beginning of the 40 days leading up to Easter.  This is called Lent.
According to Wiki,    People may decide to observe Lent by giving up a favorite food or drink (e.g. chocolate, alcohol) or activity (e.g., going to the movies, playing video games, etc.) for Lent, or they may instead take on a Lenten discipline such as devotions, volunteering for charity work, and so on.  Today, some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations.

I still didn't get it.  What does giving up my morning coffee have to do with getting closer to God?  This seemed like one of those odd, it's-just-the-way-we-do-it, rituals to me, until I attended that first Ash Wednesday service.  Then it all clicked.  During the service, we were all asked to write down a few things that we would like to change about ourselves.  Things that were standing in our way to becoming the person God intends for us to be.   I think wrote down something like 'not worrying so much' and 'being a better, less frustrated mom'.  (It was the beginning of my search for balance even back then before I had a name for it in my head.)

Then, we came up to the front one by one with our little scraps of paper.  And we each took our paper to the candle flame, set it afire, and dropped it in a plate to turn to ash.  Physically, visually, giving up those things we had written.  Bringing ourselves closer to God.
The service continued, and included us once again coming up to the front, to recieve the ashes on our foreheads. Again, I didn't get it.  And I wish I could remember what the pastor said as he used the ashes to draw a cross on my forehead.  It was so, so powerful.  The most powerful moment I've ever had in church.   I can clearly picture his face, and remember exactly how I felt, how I felt almost as if God himself was reaching out through the pastor to me, marking me as a child of God, but can't for the life of me recall the words.   But the message was this:  Lent is about giving up something that separates us from God.  Not your morning coffee, or an afternoon piece of chocolate.  Something bigger and more important than that.  And Ash Wednesday is the reminder when you give that up, when you turn it to ash, you rise up from those ashes, and get just a little closer to God.   At least, for me, that is what Ash Wednesday and Lent are all about.

So, what am I giving up this year?  I'm giving up the clutter and chaos in my house.   It keeps me from being as good as I could be for my family, it frustrates me, and it takes up too much of my time that I could use for better things.  Gone!  To ashes!  I commit to turning at least one pile/drawer/cabinet full of clutter 'into ashes' each day during Lent.  Check back on Easter and I'll let you know how much of a difference it's made!

But, wait!   There's more!!  Again, I'm thankful for this blog, because in writing it I stumbled across this site, spirithome.com which says:  Lent is not all about giving things up. It's also about adding good things to our lives or to others' lives -- the kind of good things that follow on what Jesus asks of us.  Click on that link for ways to add things for Lent.

I'm going to use a couple of those ideas myself.  I will:

Do acts of kindness for people daily, just because the opportunity's there

give them little tastes of God's love.

Spend time daily appreciating the beauty of nature that makes me feel close to God

(Pictures to come, stay tuned!)
Use yoga and prayer as a way to worship daily

(More about how I see yoga as worship coming soon!)

Isaiah 58:6-12 (The Message)
 6-9"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
   to break the chains of injustice,
   get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
   free the oppressed,
   cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
   sharing your food with the hungry,
   inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
   putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
   being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
   and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
   The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
   You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'

A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places

 9-12"If you get rid of unfair practices,
   quit blaming victims,
   quit gossiping about other people's sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
   and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
   your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
   I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
   firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
   a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
   rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
   restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
   make the community livable again.

What will you give up or add for Lent?

May you be blessed today, during this season of Lent,  

and every day.

Math Night...It was a good lesson!

Today was a great day, and I spent a lot of it looking forward to getting to yoga class tonight.  I've had more than two weeks of classes now, and I love them.   All of them, doesn't matter which class or instructor.   I hate having to miss several days in a row though.  This has happened when I can't get there on Fridays, sleep in and miss Saturday mornings, and then also miss Sunday because of the Super Bowl and Valentines Day.  I can really feel it.  I am tight and sore.  I want to go to yoga!!  I managed 40 minutes at home last night, but without the heated room, it's just not the same.  Today, however, there is a class late enough that I can make it after the hubby is home from work.  Hooray!  Yoga tonight!


I picked the boys up from school, looking forward to yoga tonight, and headed to McD's playland.  We've got a now standing date with some good friends to play and socialize after school.  It's great for the boys, it's great for us as moms too.  Everyone is happy, and we're out of the house not making a mess.  It's a win-win blessing all around.


We stayed at the playland until the dinner chaos started, then headed home.  Yea!  Yoga tonight!  I can't wait!  We headed in the house for a few minutes to clean out lunch boxes, empty papers out of folders, and put away backpacks.  Then we headed out the door to the school's Family Math & Science Night from 6 to 7.   Last thing to do before yoga!  Yea! 


We got to the school right at 6, because I need to leave for yoga at 7!,  and headed down to the hall where my oldest's grade level had set up four rooms of math and science activities.   We started out building and measuring a paper snowman, and by 6:10, I was already thinking, Hurry up! We're never going to get through all this so I can go to yoga.  I found myself telling that voice to relax,  it will all work out.  This is making my boys happy, that's what matters.  A minute or two later.... Arrgghh!!  How many buttons do  you need to color on that snowman!  Come on!!  Let's move on!  I want to go to yoga tonight!!!  I found myself secretly hoping for the huge crowd and crazy chaos that we faced at last year's Math Night.  Maybe we'll get to leave early because it will just be too crowded and hard to do anything....so I can go to yoga!

Then, I overheard the mom next to me telling her daughter how to measure her snowman correctly.  No, not like that, like this... to the quarter inch!  No, the quarter inch... 1 and 1/4.  One quarter.  One and one quarter.  Yes, but don't make the one so big.  Do it like this....   And I thought to myself, wow, this is supposed to be fun.  They're only supposed to measure to the nearest inch, why all the extra pressure?  No grades here, does it really matter if her 1/4 is a little lopsided? Does she even need to write 1/4 for that matter?  Just let her have fun with it.  And then it hit me.  In my head, I'm just as bad as that.  I'm the fun-hater.  Hurry up and color those buttons, because I want to go to yoga!  I wasn't being in the moment and accepting the glory of it as it is RIGHT NOW.  Right now, I'm being a mom to two great little boys.  We're supposed to be having fun together, and instead of being present, I'm worrying about yoga later.   


So I let go of yoga, and decided if it happens, great, and if not, then that's great too.  I'm going to be present now, have fun, and enjoy my boys.  And to quote my oldest,  "It...was.....Awe----SOME!!"

Mentally adding 9+8+12+4+5....

and he got it right! 

 We measured, we added, we glued, and then there was this awesome goopy stuff with cornstarch at the end.   And not once did I again think hurry up, or let's go, or but I want to go to yoga!

 

My boys mixing up the goop

That was FUN!  This cornstarch goopy stuff?  Way-cool.  It's part liquid, part solid.  You roll it into a ball in your hand, and then when you let go it turns back to liquid and oozes through your fingers.  My boys wouldn't touch it.  "Eeeww..... gross... I'm not touching that stuff!"    They were fascinated watching me play with it, and let me just say, they missed out on the fun!  I could have played with that stuff for quite awhile.  Very fun.  Actually quite stress-relieving too.   And it was such a blessing to gross them out! 


I'm so glad that I let go of the yoga and just had fun with my boys.   They couldn't stop saying how awesome it was on the way home.  "It was Awe---SOME!!  (I wish I could type that sing song voice....) Today was the best day ever!"  They felt love and joy because I let go of what I wanted and focused on enjoying and loving them instead.  I was not giving up and self-sacrificing and then resenting, but changing my priority, and then enjoying it.   And I am so thankful for that lesson!

A true blessing and all because I didn't get my way!

 

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.  Ephesians 5:1-2 (The Message)

May you love and be loved as God loves us, and may you be blessed by not getting your way!

Seeking Balance

I feel like this is going to sound like the title of an old 80's movie:

Desparately Seeking Balance

Mom seeks balance in life.  Must include children, husband, God, extended family, office paperwork, housekeeping/cleaning, exercise, prayer & meditation, healthy eating, garden/yardwork, health management for self & family, maintaining friendships, and at least a little time for herself.  Not necessarily in that order.  If you have the answer, please contact below in the comments!  

Whoooo.... No wonder I feel so stressed out all the time!  That is a really big workload for just one person.  For me, I feel like I have to always do everything perfectly.  To MY standards, which are really so high that no one could ever meet them.  So, I just set myself up to fail and not feel like I'm not good enough.  And, of course, I would never expect anyone else to reach these crazy standards.  Just me, and that mean inner voice.  As Some Girl says, "that deep, mean inner voice seems to be a voice of perfectionism… you’re not pretty enough, you’re house is not clean enough, you’re yard is not nice enough, you’re not the best, you need to be better…"  But the truth is, we are, I AM,  good enough.  God made us, each of us, to be unique and special.  Who am I to doubt his work?

and I praise you

   because of

   the wonderful way

   you created me.

   Everything you do is marvelous!

   Of this I have no doubt.

 Psalm 139:14 (Contemporary English Version)

I've been trying to work on this balancing act for awhile now, and I'm slowly starting to get a little better at it, day by day.  One of the things that is helping me is to pay attention to the little nudges, signs, and whispers that God puts for us everywhere, if we will only notice them.  These little nudges help me keep it all in the right perspective, and they help me kick that mean inner voice in the pants and replace it with kinder voice that says, "You've got this, girl.  Just keep going.  You can do it!"  A nicer voice that talks to me as I think God might.

I had a couple of these signs and messages on Sunday, in addition to my Valentine.  One, came from Facebook, of all places.  One of those little apps that my friends use, and when I clicked on it, my message said:

On this day of your life, Michelle, we believe God wants you to know ... that you are perfect as you are.  God doesn't create faulty life. No. Everything created by God is perfect, and so are you. So stop driving yourself mad with endless ways to improve, and just accept the glory of your being as is.

Now, I have to say, I read this and thought, well, that's perfect, except for the part about not needing to improve.  Then I started this post, and I'm 'hearing'  it altogether differently. Okay, okay, I hear You!  I'll stop telling myself I need to improve, and focus instead on what You want me to do.  A little bit of good mom balanced with a little cleaning house, balanced with a little prayer, balanced with a little exercise, balanced with.... Being in the moment and accepting the glory of my being as it is RIGHT NOW.

The other messages I got on Sunday were from church.  A beautiful worship song, one of my favorites, played with Perfect Timing to get me to listen more to God.  I'll tell you more about that later.  And a sermon message about 'Dropping the Weight of Stress."  Hmmmm.... am I that stubborn that you need to beat it into my head, Lord?  I guess I am.  But I hear You now!  :)

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. 

Get away with me and you'll recover your life. 

I'll show you how to take a real rest. 

Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. 

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. 

I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. 

Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." 

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

Wow, I love this blog!  Did God just whisper the answer to my Desparately Seeking Balance question?  I think so.  And He did it with just three little words:  "Come to me."  Wow.  

 ⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
      And I said, "Here I am. Send me!"

Isaiah 6:8 (New International Version)

One of my favorite hymns comes from this verse, and I think that it is such a beautiful song.

Here's a version I found to share with you: Here I am, Lord 

May you enjoy and be blessed by it. 

Valentine's Day Blessings

This has been a crazy winter.  On a day when the average high temperature should have been around 60, we had a record breaking foot of snow.  It still boggles my mind with the amount of it, and how beautiful it all was.  Even now, four days later, there is still snow melting and dripping everywhere.  Just amazing.

But, it's COLD!  And I'm honestly just tired of being cold.  That picture up there is my backyard!  This is Texas for goodness sake, not upstate New York!  I'm tired of the wet, and the mud, and all of it.  I usually love winter, but I've had enough.  This last round of it has made my asthma act up, my lungs hurt, and I keep hearing myself ask, "Lord, is it EVER going to be warm again?".   I even promised my husband that I will not complain this summer when it's 110 out.  I promise!! 

But, I'm trying to be patient, and I'm trying to find a better balance in life, so I'm trying to not complain too much, but I don't think it's working.  I mean, this whole post is a complaint, right?  Well, so far, at least.  

Then, yesterday morning,  on the way to church, I pulled out to the end of my driveway, and had to sit for a minute or two to wait for my finicky car to warm up.  I looked around, and....I got a flower for Valentine's day.  No, not from my husband, because we really don't do up the whole Valentine's thing usually.  Most times we agree that it's silly to waste money for a greeting card holiday when we should be letting each other know how much we love one another every day of the year.  Now, he does offer to buy me flowers, and I always tell him to just let me buy some flowers for the yard, so at least we can enjoy them all summer.  It works for us, and we're both happy with that.   So, if not from the hubby, then what am I talking about?  Check it out:

A crocus!!  A beautiful tiny purple crocus, peeking up  from under the leaves and snow.  Best Valentine's present ever, because I can't help but think that God put it there just for me to see.  

He heard my prayers, 

and He answered with a tiny blessing and sign of hope, that yes, it will be warm again.  

Now, of course, I know that I'm the one who planted that little crocus bulb last fall (a rather neat memory for me... trying to get them all planted just before a cold front and rain storm came through... I didn't quite make it and I was soaked to the skin when I came in, but gosh was that fun!  Ooooh...I had forgotten all about that!).  So, yes, I planted it, but God made it grow, and it was His timing that put that little bloom out just to answer a prayer and bring me joy.  I can't help but think that He also knew what a precious childhood memory that would recall for me also, those little flowers blooming in what seemed like impossible weather.  

A flower, a gift, an answered prayer, & precious memories all in one...what a blessing!  

Thank you, Lord!

May you all be as blessed, and feel God's love around you every day.