Finding Gratitude Even Through Utter Frustration

 You know what they say, 'When life gives you lemons....'

I am in the middle of a MAJOR life lesson right now.  I'm learning a lot about how little control we really often have. Although we like to think we're the ones running things, that control is so often just an illusion.  We cannot control rude or dangerous drivers, although we might yell or honk in an attempt to do so.  We cannot control other people, situations, the world or a loved one making a poor choice. We might think we can somehow control these things, and even spend large amounts of time and energy worrying about them, playing out scenario after scenario in our heads in an attempt to gain control.  But ultimately, the only things we really control are ourselves, and our reactions to things.

This life lesson is teaching me to accept what I cannot control, and to instead focus my energy on myself and how I react.  I want to react to things with kindness and compassion; with gratitude and patience; with thanksgiving and with love. We cannot control the world, but we can seek to have a grateful heart.  Gratitude is not an illusion.  We can look for gratitude, even in the midst of the most utterly frustrating experiences. 

I am grateful 

For everyday, taken-for-granted kinds of things:

~for health -for this body of mine, with it's aches & pains, issues, and extra pounds

~for family- a nearby loving and supportive network

~for freedoms and liberties in this country I love

~for friends without whom life would be boring and dull

For overflowing abundances:

~of God's love

~of blessings too numerous to count

~of simple joys, like sweet bedtime kisses or 'just because' hugs

For constant, unshakeable blessings:

~my wonderful, handsome husband and sons

~my brothers and sisters, by both blood and marriage, living near or far.

~my beautiful, imperfect home and gardens

For first world conveniences that would be third world wonders:

~freshly brewed morning coffee where others thirst simply for clean water

~a home with running water where others go homeless and unwashed

~a refrigerator stocked full of food where others go hungry

Most of all, I am grateful that I have been given so much, because with this abundance comes the opportunity to share it with others, and share the blessings.

I am grateful.

Being Sneaky...In a Good Way!

So, I did something really, really sneaky this week.  I heard something.  I thought "I could help with that".  I decided I would help with that.  But I just wanted to do it, not explain it, or take credit for it.  So I decided to do it anonymously.  I told no one, just did it.   I'm hopeful that I will see the a tiny glimpse of the hopefully positive impact this thing had.  But if not, I know it was good enough, and that makes me happy.  Period.

But today, another result of this thing, completely unexpected, snuck up on me and smacked me in the face with happiness.  Truthfully, I had even forgotten I did this thing.  Then, someone indirectly related to this, (I asked person X to do thing Y for person Z, and made it possible.....can you follow that?), person X, found out what I did.  Not that it was me, but just what I did.  And this person was blown away.  I just happened to be there to see the reaction of this person to my little random act of kindness. My intentions were to spread happiness to person Z.  I had no idea that the goodness would also touch person X, and T, U, & V.  How cool!?  And I'm not mentioning this here to toot my own horn.  Really, it was a small thing I did.  I hadn't planned on saying a word, but now that I see how many other people it touched too, it is so exciting!  You've just got to try this for yourself!  And I think being anonymous it the best part.

Pay it forward, people!  It's so fun!

What's your quirk?

    

An awesome friend and I had lunch together yesterday while out shopping, and we were talking about all the different quirks people have.  Talking about how "normal" we are.  No, that sounds bad.  Really, we were wondering out loud what other people must see as our  little quirks.  You know, like some people just can't make up their minds, ever.  Or someone else who has an easy time making up their mind, but has trouble seeing anything from another point of view.  Those kinds of things.  It's kind of hard to pick out what your own quirk is, because it is just so much a part of who you are.

Well, I figured mine out today. (Or at least one of mine!)  And it might not be so much of a quirk that other people see, because I'm pretty darn aggressive about hiding it.

But, I'm trying to 

Embrace Life, 

and that means 

overcoming 

this quirk, which means I need to 

quit hiding

it and 

get over it!

So.... here goes.  I let things paralyze me with fear.  It might start out little, something I just don't want to do.  Then I start to dread doing it.  Then I let it pile up so long that I'm embarrassed I haven't done it.  Then I start avoiding it.  Then I pretend it doesn't exist for awhile.  Then the denial bubble pops and I have this huge stress attack over it.  To the point where I am completely paralyzed by fear and embarrassment when I could have,  should have just sucked it up a long, long time ago and avoided all the secret stress and shame that I've been hiding for years.  Yes, years.  I can't believe I just said that in writing.

Okay, so there are two things I have let do this in my life.  And I've promised myself to stop that. I've been praying (for awhile now) for some strength and courage to face these quirks of mine.  These enemies of peace and balance.  One of the things I've been slowly working on, but I've been letting factors, outside my control, kind of let me slide back into that denial and procrastination bubble.  I'm going to be more aggressive about knocking out this quirk of mine.  It's not something internet appropriate, but I will say that it's somewhat "work related".

The other thing, is a personal thing, and I'm just too ashamed to tell you what it is, or how long I've let it slide.  BUT, I took the first of many steps today to knock this one out too.   I found out some info, admitted my issue, and scheduled a time to get it handled.  Wahoo!  Actually, I thought I would feel better already, just getting that scheduled time on my calendar, but I'm still feeling pretty paralyzed.  I'm guessing that the stress has built up over time enough that it's going to take awhile to fall away also.  But I'm working on it.

So, am I alone in this crazy quirk of mine?  Have you ever/do you now... let anything paralyze you into fear and inaction? If so, I'd love to know I have some company!  Give me a shout in the comments (you don't have to let me know the details...) and let me know if you're fighting the same battles I am.  I'd love to support and encourage you.

May you have a blessed 

and Fear Free day!

There is ONE Thing I Do Really Well

I can finally say that there is ONE thing I do really well.  It's not often that I say something like that to myself, but I am truly good at this one thing.  I don't feel deep down that there is a way I need to change how I do this one thing.  I don't feel like I'm just pretending to be good at it.  I've always felt I did pretty well at it, but this week I tested myself, and now I can say: I've got this one down!

What is it?

NOT over-scheduling my kids.

Underwhelmed?  No big deal, you might say.  Well, to me, to us, it is a very big deal.  We live in a time and a place where moms are toting kids from school to soccer to dance and then running to take another child to tae-kwon-do before going back to another soccer game. Whew! I'm out of breath just writing that! (Now, if that describes your life, let me just say, I AM NOT judging you.  If that works for you and your kids that's wonderful.) It doesn't work for us.  That kind of a day makes me want to cringe and hide under the covers just thinking about it.

Quite by accident, I tested myself on this skill this past week.  By a calendar mixup (my fault!),  I somehow scheduled THREE activities for my kids every day this week.  VBS 8:45-noon.  Kids Yoga Camp 2-4, and Swimming Lessons from 4:30-5:10.  Wowsers.  That is insane!  When I realized my mistake, I almost backed out of the yoga camp.  But my oldest was looking forward to it more than anything, and I just couldn't crush him by making him miss it (it's not offered again until late July).   So, I decided we could do it for just this one week.  It's the only week all summer that will be this crazy, we'll get through it.  By Monday at 3pm, I was already looking forward to Friday. 

Things I learned from this over-scheduled week:
*It's exhausting to always be hurrying to get ready for x...or y.... or z...
*There's no time for spontaneous fun like heading to the neighbors (to check out their tadpoles that have started growing legs already!)
*It's way too easy to cave in to requests for fast food, because everyone is exhausted. (I am horrified at how much we ate this week.)
*One activity is enough.   We missed getting to go swim just for fun, or riding bikes outside.
* It really doesn't feel like summer when your kids are so exhausted you have to make them go to bed at 6:20 just to make it through the next day.
*You need room for flexibility in your days! Scheduling every minute might be productive, but it's more stressful than it's worth.

Today, after a week of crazy activities, we are taking back our flexibility.  Both my guys woke up today begging to just be able to stay home.  Please?  If that isn't a sign that we were doing too much, I don't know what would be.  So, we stayed home.  No VBS.  Instead, they are snuggled up together on the couch playing a game, happy as clams.  No stress.  No hurry up and eat, so we can hurry up and get in the car, so we can hurry up and....

How do you schedule your kids?  Are you like me, and like to do a few things here and there, but leave most of your time unscheduled?  Or, do you enjoy having lots of things already planned into your days?  Whatever your style might be, if it makes you and your kids happy, do it.  If it doesn't....well, figure out a way to do things so you are!

I am thankful for the blessings 

of a week of entirely UNSCHEDULED days 

coming up next week!

Practice, Practice, Practice

One of the things that I need needed to change in my life, like so many other people, is was my lack of exercise.  I've started working out regularly for the last two months, so I feel like I'm making good progress in that department.  But, it's not something that's ever going to go away.  I'm going to have to keep doing the exercise, keep making healthy food choices, and keep choosing to be healthy over junky and lazy.  That used to sound like some kind of terrible prison  sentence.  But, the more I practice it, all of it, the easier it gets.  And the more I choose the right path, the more that becomes what I truly want.  The junky stuff is slowly becoming the stuff that I'd rather not eat.  Huh.  I would have never thought that would happen.

I grew up skinny,  thin-like-a-pencil, and ate whatever I wanted.  I was a sugar maniac.  I remember as a teen, some friends of my parents came to visit, and were just amazed at how much junk food I could eat, and 1) not get sick and 2) be so darn skinny.  I just laughed.  Now, almost 25 years later, things are different, and I totally see what they meant!   I ate terribly, because it didn't matter.  

Now, it does matter.  It's taking a lot of practice to change those habits.  Practice, practice, and more practice.  That's all it takes.  Practice Makes Progress.  Not perfection, but progress.  Sometimes it's hard to see how much progress you're really making.  It helps to look back, to write down where you started, to look forward to a goal you've set for yourself.   For me, I set a goal to do that crazy infomercial workout,  P90X with my husband.  90 days.  Insane workouts.  My goal was to just get through it, the best that I could.   I'm about 1/2 way through with it now, and I'm noticeably stronger.

Three weeks ago,  one of the workouts was this crazy shoulder, chest & triceps workout.  Push ups.  90million push ups.  Regular ones, wide ones, one armed ones, ones where you jump up and clap in the middle.  Did I mention I can't --I mean CAN NOT do push ups?  I don't mean I can only do a few, I can't do any.  So this workout was so frustrating.  I tried.  But if you can't do a regular push up, you can't do a one armed push up, now can you?   I stuck with it. I tried.  I practiced.  I failed.  But I didn't give up.  Practiced some more the next week, and the week after that.  Then, yesterday, at my new challenging yoga class (I call it 'Killer Yoga'....it's brutal but fun.) PROGRESS!  I did a full push-up.  A full-on guy-style toes on the floor, legs straight with knees not on the floor, butt not sticking up in the air, correct form push up!  The funny part was, I didn't intentionally try for it... It just kind of happened, and I was stunned! It might have been 'only one' push-up, but it was HUGE progress.  Progress isn't always easy to see.  It really likes to quietly sneak up on you, but only if you keep practicing when you can't see it yet.

That same idea carries over to other areas of life.  Other things that need practicing.  There are other ways I want to see progress, but don't yet.  Catching up and keeping up with paperwork.  Cleaning and organizing.  Spending time in prayer and meditation.  Practice. It's all about the practice.  Keep practicing.  Keep trying.  Little by little those things will add up until suddenly the progress will be visible.

How about you?  Is there an area where you are practicing something? Waiting to see some progress?  Don't give up.  It will happen if you keep working for it!

Set a goal.

Practice.

Practice again.

Practice a little more.

Keep practicing.

Celebrate each little bit of progress as it sneaks up on you.

Keep practicing.

Keep celebrating.

That goal will become reality.

May you be blessed by both the practice and progress!

Summer Plans

"What are your summer plans?"  It seems like I've been asked this daily for the last month.  We really aren't doing anything special out-of-the-ordinary.  Hanging out, swimming, VBS, enjoying each other.  Seems like nothing special, right?  But it is special.  It's oh-so-special.  It's time.  Time to enjoy each other, and count our blessings.

I ran across this poem while cleaning out my "I'm-going-to-end-up-on-that-Hoarders-TV-show" office this morning.  I think I'm going to make it my summer mantra.   Thank you, Lord,  for my two wiggly, sticky, bug-loving blessings.

A Mom's Prayer

Dear Lord, It's such a hectic day,

With little time to stop and pray,

For life's been anything but calm,

Since You called me to be a Mom.

Running errands, matching socks,

Building dreams with matching blocks,

Cooking, cleaning, finding shoes,

And other stuff that children lose,

Fitting lids on bottled bugs,

Wiping tears and giving hugs,

A stack of last week's mail to read, 

So where's the quiet time I need?

Yet, when I steal a moment, Lord,

Just at the sink or ironing board,

To ask the blessings of Your grace,

I see them, in my small one's face,

That You have blessed me

All the while~~

And I stoop to kiss 

That precious smile.

~Author Unknown~

May you be blessed this summer.

Balance Defined

 I've been looking for balance for a good long while now.  Some days are better than others, of course, but I'm always trying to get closer to finding that balance.  Other people are looking for balance too.  I've even seen some posts on Twitter and other blogs about seeking "anti-balance".  That stopped me in my tracks.  Why on earth, I wondered, would a person want to live an anti-balanced life?

Well, if you know me, you know that just made me defensive about my search for balance, so I went to check more into it. What I found was very thought provoking.  It made me realize that not everyone defines balance in the same way.  Huh.  Never occurred to me that there could be more than one way to view the idea of finding balance in your life.  It made me think more about what exactly I mean when I say I'm on a quest for balance.  

For me, balance is not equal time for every aspect of my life.  It's absolutely not possible.  But what I am seeking, is to combine all the little things and big things together, so that at the end of the day everything is in harmony, everything is balanced.

The picture I have in my head is of a great teeter-totter.  On one side is the person that I believe God wants me to be, and on the other side are all the little things and big things in my life, added together, trying to achieve balance.  Not enough of something let's that side go up and let's God down.  Too much of something else weighs that side down, weighs me down, so that all the blessings God is giving me can't be fully enjoyed.  It's not a quest for equality in all areas, but more like a grand recipe of time & effort that ultimately seeks to equal out and balance with what my life is intended to be.  Five minutes of quick kitchen clean up added to half an hour of bedtime stories and snuggling.  Throw in an hour or two of paperwork, a little menu planning and prepping/cooking dinner, some time to workout and take care of my body, time spent with my husband.  All of those things are interconnected, and touched by one another.  In seeking balance, I am seeking to find a way to mesh them all together to the best result, so that no one thing is getting neglected, and everything is getting not equal time, but the time that it needs and deserves.

Just as all things do not need or deserve equal time, not all days are the same.  Some days the mom part of the equation needs to take the largest share of my time, and the paperwork and cleaning have to wait.  Other days, I'm not needed so much as a mom, and I can give the housework and job the attention they need.  Each day is interconnected with the next... trying to achieve overall balance and live the life God intends me to.

How about you?  How do you look for or define balance in your life?

May you have a blessed, balanced, and thoughtful day!

If you're curious about the anti-balance thing, do a twitter search for the hashtag #antibalance.  And, by the way, I think we're aiming for the same results, but just looking at it differently.

The Really Bad, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Okay, well I really wanted to title this
The Really Bad, Horrible, No Good, Almost No Good, Very Bad Day
but I couldn't do the strike through text, so....whatever.


I had another great weekend, but haven't been motivated to blog.  I've been enjoying life too much, which is good. I've been thinking who cares about the blog anyway, whatever.  But things were really great, besides that, and then three nights in a row of very little sleep (for various un-fun reasons) caught up with me yesterday and I crashed hard.  Headache bad enough to make me want to cry all day, asthma making it very hard to catch my breath, and I just couldn't deal.

It wasn't a fun day.  But one bright sunny spot, was a blog I read by a new friend, someone I've yet to meet for real, but she's great.  She did a post of lists of ten, and on her ten websites/blogs I visit list, she had this blog listed.  That really made my day.  And made me want to write something, and pull myself out of the funk I was in, blog-writing wise.  Thanks, JamieAnn!

Now, my day still stunk, but at least my head was in the right place a little bit!  So, as the afternoon hour approached where I needed to go pick my oldest up from school, I searched for a way to stay a little balanced in spite of how badly I felt physically.  I could either:

A) take the boys home, turn them loose with a snack and go lay down (AKA letting them destroy the house while I wasn't looking)
     -OR-
B) take them home and try to get them to do chores and homework (AKA ending up yelling at them to do what I've asked for the 9th time while they fight with each other about why it's not done)
     -OR-
C) Keep them out of the house, and entertained until dinner.

Now, I have to be honest, choice A was by far my first choice, but seeing that I had worked ALL DAY Sunday to get the house picked up and a little bit clean, I just couldn't bring myself to let it get destroyed so soon.  Choice B wasn't really even an option, because my head hurt so much.  I needed to find a way to make choice C work.  I needed to sit quietly somewhere while also keeping them entertained and out of the house until dinner.  Hmmm... how do you do that?  The park? Too bright (and it was getting ready to storm).  Indoor playarea?  Too LOUD.  Ah-HA!  We'll go to a matinee.

We went to see the 4:20 showing of Furry Vengeance.  Perfect timing.  Enough time to get our stuff from Target and head to the theater.  We got there just before the storm hit too, and although we almost got blown away trying to buy tickets, we made it in without getting soaked.

It was a brilliant choice.  While I fully expected it to be a horrible movie, the boys loved it.  Apparently, it was "slap-yourself-in-the-face-with-both-hands-funny" according to my three year old, because that's what he did at the funniest part.  My oldest loved it too, and you'd have thought he had already seen it from the way he could say what was going to happen next (from watching all the good parts on the previews, I think).  I have to admit, it was pretty bad, but I also laughed out loud more than once.  It was so bad it was funny, I guess.  But worth every penny for being able to sit still in a mostly dark room for 90 minutes with two boys who didn't argue or make any messes!  And, when we got out the storm had passed, and we literally walked in the house 5 minutes before daddy, just in time for dinner.  Total Success.

It's called making the best of a bad situation, I guess.   Finding a little balance.  Making lemonade when life gives you lemons.... 

Whatever you want to call it, 

I hope you find a little of it next time you're having 

a rough day too.

10th Annual Run to Remember

Tomorrow morning, I'm doing the 10th Anniversary Run to Remember, aka the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon.  I'm just doing the 5K, because I was finally balanced enough to not bite off more than I could chew.  And I'm glad.  If I had signed up to walk the half marathon (13.1 miles!!!!!) with my friends, like I wanted to, I'd be really kicking myself now! 

I have a ton of things to write about, but it's 10:00, and we have to get up at 4am, so it will all have to wait.  But I have kick-ass girlfriends up here in Oklahoma, and even though I've been gone for three years, it's just like it used to be.  Everyone took the time to come out and see me, and I'm so glad to have been able to say hi and chat and relax with them.  My OK girls rock!

I'll talk lots of pics and probably tweet a little once I'm done with my short course and waiting for them to finish their 13.1.  It's a very moving experience.  It defines the word awe to be down there and part of it.  I'll share it with you later.

Shell

May Today...

I got this in one of those make-you-feel-guilty-if-you-don't-forward-it email chain letters.  I hate forwarding those on, but I loved the message in it, so I decided to share it with YOU. 

May today there be peace within. 

May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. 

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. 

May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. 

May you be content with yourself just the way you are. 

Let this knowledge settle into your bones.

Allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. 

It is there for each and every one of us.
 

May you have a blessed and balanced day! 

Yin Yoga... Oh Yeah!

I tried a new yoga class at Divine this morning, Yin Yoga.   I had misread the schedule for the last two months and thought this was the same as the Yang-Yin class I had tried awhile back.  Oh, no!  This class was awesome.  All stretchy and relax-y and feel-good-y.  (Yeah, I know those aren't words, but work with me!)

We really need rain.  It's dry, and there is pollen everywhere that needs to be washed away.  So, the teacher said she had put together some music from different Native American nations praying for rain.  It was kind of cool to listen to the music, with the sounds of rain and thunder in the background, and stretch and relax.  Actually, it was perfect.  (Well, except for when I couldn't get rid of the thought that the rain sounded more like bacon sizzling in a pan...But that didn't last TOO long...) 


The yoga definitely helps my asthma.  It makes the aching go away, and hopefully, it will keep making it better.  I felt a lot better today than I have all week.  Day 8 (Tuesday) I did 30 minutes at home in between other stuff, and although I was feeling really bad, it totally helped me get through the day.  Day 9 I skipped, again.  Can't really say why, other than laziness and feeling bad, which aren't real reasons.  I just didn't try enough to get it done.   Today was day 10 of the 40 days, and I'm so glad I spent that hour at the yoga studio this morning!

Ooops...gotta go... my boys just ripped the soap dish off the tile bathtub wall.....Gotta go balance that!  ;)

40 Days

Remember how I wrote about giving up my messy house for Lent?  Well, it worked.  Not that there are no more messes here, because it was way worse than 40 days could cure, but it's a lot cleaner in here.  And I never felt overwhelmed or unbalanced, because I just cleaned a little something every day. 

At the beginning of Lent, I wrote: So, what am I giving up this year?  I'm giving up the clutter and chaos in my house.   It keeps me from being as good as I could be for my family, it frustrates me, and it takes up too much of my time that I could use for better things.  Gone!  To ashes!  I commit to turning at least one pile/drawer/cabinet full of clutter 'into ashes' each day during Lent.  Check back on Easter and I'll let you know how much of a difference it's made!

Easter came and went yesterday.  Alleluia!!  There is less clutter sitting around, and it's become a habit to clean things up a little at a time.  Five minutes?  Throw in some dishes.  Ten minutes?  Fold and put away the laundry and restart it...  Less chaos.  Less frustration.  Less mess.  More time for family and the things that matter.  I'm going to keep doing this, cleaning and uncluttering at least one thing a day, until I feel like things are under control.  Yes, I have a feeling that I may never actually get all-the-way there, but at least I can get closer than I am now!

Because the 40 days of Lent were so successful, I've decided to tackle another 40 days, now that Easter has passed.    40 days of yoga.   I am promising to do 40 days of yoga.  At least 30 minutes a day.  Restorative counts, as long as it's in class.  (No cheating by working on my breathing in bed when it's time to go to sleep.... :)   I had planned to do this, but hadn't told anyone yet, when my friend sent me this email:

According to yogic science, it takes :
40 days to change a bad habit into a positive one ;
90 days confirms the new habit in you ;
120 days allows the new habit to become who you are ;
1,000 days ensures you have mastered the habit

How's that for timing?  Pastor Mike is always saying something to the point of: "You go nowhere and do nothing by accident.  God always a purpose for your life."  I love it when God's timing shows up in visible ways.   My friend had no idea I was planning on doing something like this, but just thought I'd be interested.  And I was reinforced in my idea for 40 days of yoga by her email.  How wonderful!

Here's hoping that 40 days will create in me a positive yoga habit.  Is there a positive habit you'd like to develop over the next 40 days?  I'd love to hear about it and support you if you decide to join me.  Leave me a comment and let me know.

May you be blessed and inspired to try creating your own positive habit over the next 40 days. 

Putting on Blinders (and a little Monday Motivation)

 I've been putting off posting for  few days, thinking about where I'm going with this blog.  I started out doing this only for me.  Just to document my progress with yoga and see how far I've come trying to find balance.  Then a friend started reading it (I'm glad she did!), and I started thinking about her when I wrote.  Next, I found some very inspiring Christian blogs, and I realized that side of me really needed an outlet, so I started thinking about that when I wrote.  Several other important people in my life started reading this blog, who may or may not share my beliefs, and I started thinking about them when I wrote.  I found out about a blog conference, and the women/bloggers who are going, and started reading their blogs, and wanted them to start reading, so I started to think about them when I wrote. 

Can you see where I'm going with this?  It's all very UN-balanced, and scattered all over the place.  No wonder I couldn't decide what to write about or feel like what I was writing was "good enough".  So, as of today, I'm putting blinders on.  You know, like racehorses wear, so they can't see stuff that would spook them?  I'm putting on those blinders.  I'm not going to think about all of you and everyone else, I'm just going to stick to my original purpose: Finding balance and my yoga journey.  Now, that said, I'm glad you're here.  I hope you find something interesting or thought-provoking, or helpful.  I'd love to hear your comments and hear what you think about what I write.  But I'm going to put the blinders on when I'm doing the writing.  It's what I need to do in order to find my balance.

It's Monday, and I'm looking for motivation today. I wrote an email planning a trip to see some wonderful friends, and that helped a little.  Enough to get me over here to write, anyway.  Maybe this post will motivate me to get up and accomplish something else next.  Who knows?  I'm very sleepy and lazy...a side effect of the asthma, I've figured out.  Now if I can just figure out how to fix it.... The meds help the breathing part, but I can tell that I'm still not 100% when all I want to do is lay in bed all day and stare at the wall or the tv.  Actually, I was motivated this morning to go out and work on my flowerbeds, but with a thick, and I mean THICK,  layer of neon green pollen covering everything outside my house, I figured it would be better for the asthma to stay inside.  Seriously, it looks like someone colored the whole driveway with neon green chalk.   It's insane.   I'm praying for a huge, long, rainstorm to come wash it all away.

Are you motivated today?  How do you get motivated when all you want to do is lay in bed all day?

This is Me

I had been planning to write a post about the "Real Me" when my friend Some Girl beat me to it.  She did such a good job, that it could have almost been word for word about myself.  Check it out here if you'd like to see what she wrote.  After reading her post, I got to thinking more about my true self.   I am far from perfect, but I also try to be a good person.   I slip up and snap at the boys when I'm tired or frustrated.  I spend time on the computer when I should be playing with them. I'll do almost anything to help a friend.    I swear, although I try not to.   I try to do good things. I'm impatient with, and yell 'IT'S NOT YOUR TURN!', at drivers who can't seem to figure out how to use a four-way stop.  I'm pretty good at going with the flow (except at those darn 4 way stops).  I'm selfish and want things my way. I let my kids eat sugar, drink pop, and watch TV, but I also make sure they spend a lot of time outside being active, and learn the difference between treats and healthy choices.  I have a strong faith.  I'm almost never brave enough to talk about it.  I leave dirty dishes in the sink almost every night.

I am introverted to the point of seeming rude at times.  I really wish I wasn't.  I really wish I could be more bold and outrageous.  For example, if you dyed your hair cupcake pink, I would think it was pretty cool, and secretly wish I could do something so bold.  (I think I'd go for white with pink stripes.... seriously.)  If you invite the whole neighborhood over for a cookout, I would think it wonderful and welcoming.  But I'd also be cringing at the thought of having to talk to people I don't know well.  I wish I were more outgoing.

But, take all the good and bad, and I'm happy with my life.  Not that I'm not working on improving things, and finding balance.  I am.  But I'm happy with me, right here, right now.   I wasn't always able to say that.

First Workshop

On Saturday, I went to my first yoga workshop.  Or specialty class.  Or whatever it's called.  It was on Yoga Nidra, which is yogic sleep, or conscious relaxation.   A very relaxing class, literally.  I got three big things from this class.

1.  Yoga is about calming the mind, and controlling your thoughts.  Even the physical practices of yoga are about focusing your thoughts, and quieting that voice in your head that won't.shut.up.  I kind of knew this, but needed the reminder.  I call it the Be Still, and know that I am God process.  I need a lot of practice on this one.

2.  Each of us has an energy, and depending on how we live our lives, that energy is different.  If we drink, and smoke, steal and do drugs, our energy will be very different than if we live our life practicing faith, reading scriptures, and doing good works.  That's what the teacher said!  I loved hearing that in a yoga class.   Before going to the class, I was a little worried that there would be some weirdness or other that I would have to ignore, and instead I heard "read scripture and do good works".  Take that people who think yoga is devil worship!  ;)

3.  It's very annoying and irritating when people fall asleep three minutes into the hour long practice and start snoring!  Okay, seriously, it was.  And they did.  Several of them.  But I'm being thankful this week, not resentful, so I'm going to focus on being thankful for learning the process of this practice. I am not going to be frustrated that I couldn't concentrate because of the snoring, and lawn mowers, and traffic, and thingy banging on the roof in the wind.  Maybe it was all a test of my ability to focus and clear my mind.  Clearly I failed, since I found myself annoyed and thinking of possible facebook status updates regarding the snorers!  Oh well.  Practice makes progress!  ;)

It's important to take time to truly relax and let the body rest.  I've gone to other restorative yoga classes (without the snoring) and come out feeling more refreshed than if I'd taken a nap.  

May you be blessed with some true relaxation today.

It's Monday, Again?

It's Monday again.  How does that happen so quickly?  This last week seems like it just disappeared from underneath my feet.  I'm trying to keep the huge pile of things that didn't get done last week from overwhelming me.   I purposely chose not to do them, and to spend time with family.  I am glad that I did.  I spent time during the week with my sister and her family, and with my parents, and it was wonderful.  This weekend, we spent most of our time at my mother-in-laws house building a new deck.  Well, watching my husband build a new deck... :)  And I'm glad for that too.  Really,  I'm most thankful for both being born into, and marrying into, wonderful families.  I am so blessed.   Not many girls get to love their mother-in-law like a second mom. 

This weekend was also Palm Sunday.  I may be weird,  but I think that is one of my favorite holidays.  It is upbeat, and happy, and celebrating Jesus entering Jerusalem on a donkey, fulfilling prophecy from hundreds of years prior that he would be the Savior.  People are waving palm branches,  crying out "Hosanna!!" as he rides into the city.  Now, I had to look up exactly what that means, because sadly I wasn't sure.   It started out as a plea "Rescue me!  Save me!".   By the time of Jesus, it was more of a term of adoration, and they were basically expecting him to save them from the Romans.
Palm Sunday is always one of the services which touches my heart the most.  Because when Jesus was riding into Jerusalem, He KNEW that he was going to die on the cross.  He went anyway.  He went for me!  He went for you.  He went for all of us.  So the thought that He knew what was coming, and went anyway, just gives me chills.  Add into that the cries of Hosanna!! (Save me!!), and I can't help but tear up at some point during the service.  It's just that powerful.

Last week, I kept my goals short:  Enjoy family, and Be positive.  I think that was very successful.
This week, I'm going to do the same.  I'm going to:
1. Be Thankful
2. Take the week for myself.  Not that I'm going to lay on the couch eating bon bons and watching movies all week.  I'm going to focus on doing things that take care of me.  Eating well, yoga, prayer, whatever.  Too often, I let myself and my needs slide to the bottom of the list.  This week, I'm going to be thankful for the blessed life I've been given, and take care of myself.

May you be blessed with a Thankful Heart this week. 

***Disclaimer: This post (and others) makes it sound like I know what I'm talking about regarding Jesus, and God, and all of that.  I don't.  I spent years having no belief in God at all.  And although I've found my faith again and been going to church for about 8 years, I still am really clueless.  I know that Jesus was born on Christmas, and that He was crucified and died on Good Friday, and that He was resurrected on Easter Sunday.  That's about it, as far as really understanding things.  I'm working on filling in the details.  I do a lot of looking things up online (google is great!) , or in books, when I come across something I don't get yet. ( Like Good Friday.... Why on earth is it called Good Friday if it was the day Jesus was crucified? ) That's next on my list! ;)

Please hold...

I've been spending the week balancing the usual stuff with visiting with my sister and family who are here for spring break.  We live far apart, so time together is not to be wasted!  I've also been working out in the yard a lot, enjoying the spring weather.   So, not enough time or energy for blogging.  But I'll be back in a few days.  In the meantime,  here are some of the pics from our trip to the Botanical Gardens.

  Hope you are enjoying the spring weather wherever you may be!